I don't think I'm good enough to be chosen.
I’m 21, a girl, and honestly, I feel like I’m a very replaceable person in any friend group I’m part of, and I wonder if that’s really my fault. I’m very shy at first, but I like being helpful and I’m willing to help with whatever is needed. I grew up in a somewhat “repressive” environment — my parents never gave me much attention and always treated me like the child who didn’t need much, and I never expressed when something was bothering me because I didn’t want to be a burden. I feel like that still follows me into adulthood.
I have a few close friends, two best friends who were already friends before I came along. I love them and I would do anything for them, but sometimes I feel like they aren’t there for me as much as I am for them, and I feel guilty for thinking that because nobody owes me anything.
I feel like I’m a very sensitive person. Small things upset me, but I always say that everything is fine because I don’t want to bother anyone. People tend to leave me waiting when we make plans to meet, or they just leave me aside to talk to other people, and I’m not included in conversations, as if I were just something decorative.
I think the problem is me. Maybe if I were more cheerful and prettier, people would like me more? Would I be included more?
I have a lot of issues. I’ve had some therapy sessions before, but I can’t seem to make progress, and that makes me feel even more defective. I genuinely wonder if I should just live a lonely and isolated life and accept that this is what life has for me.