u/AcceptableWrap7507

RANT: Realizing that both my parents were just as bad has been an eye opening experience to say the least. I guess mainly because I was fed by my father that it was my mother who caused all this pain and she’s the “bad”one. But in reality it’s both of them and mainly him now since I still live with him. Growing up my mother made it a competition. She told me that my father didn’t love her anymore because of me. Controlled how I dress, ate, and friends. Would ignore me and treat my brother so well. My father and her relationship was tumultuous. They would get into fights sometimes physical then make up and act like it never even happened. My father is an alcoholic and a gambler. He takes everything out on me as I’m the only one in the house with him. I didn’t make a sandwich right he threw it at me. I didn’t pick up dog poop on time he threw it in my room. He broke cabinets from being so upset. He buys me smart water to “make me smarter.” I can’t take it anymore seriously. I have to go to the casino for hours and sit there and gamble with him as he makes uncomfortable comments to any female. He’s always bringing up dying and how he won’t live much longer and if he’s angry he’ll say he’s going to write my brother and I out of his will because we’re ungrateful and to “teach us a lesson.” Seriously when will this ever end. I’m at my wits end and feel like I’m going to explode. He thinks so little of me and makes me feel so small. He always has to put me down.

My Nfather randomly started implying that my boyfriend is abusive and even started assuming I was being hit, which completely shocked me because that has never happened. I honestly feel so upset and uncomfortable and don’t even know what to do. Has anyone else’s parent ever made accusations or assumptions like this?

My father is very controlling and reactive. He has rage outbursts over small things, and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him because anything can set him off. He also tells me I’m the only woman he can trust in his life, not even my mother or his own mother. Also want to say that my mother and him are not together.

What would you do if you were me? Do I disclose this to my boyfriend? Do I keep this to myself? What do I do??

Wondering if anyone else’s parents ever called other people in your/their life narcissists? What do you think of that? I can’t help but laugh because it’s like the pot calling the kettle black.

As the title says, I still live at home with my father, and it’s just the two of us now. I’m 22F and financially dependent on him while I’m trying to finish school and figure out my career path. Because he’s the sole provider, I feel like that gets weaponized against me a lot, and it leaves me carrying a huge amount of guilt all the time.

I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Even small things can set him off, so I’m always anxious and trying to predict his mood or avoid conflict. A lot of the time, I feel like I’m not doing enough, even when I genuinely am trying my best.

One thing that affects me deeply is that he frequently says things about dying soon or not having much time left because he’s older. He’s been saying this for years, but it still makes me feel scared, guilty, and emotionally responsible for him in a way that’s hard to explain. Another thing that really affects me is that I feel like I have to immediately drop whatever I’m doing whenever he wants something from me. Even if I’m studying, resting, busy, or emotionally exhausted, I feel intense anxiety or guilt if I don’t respond right away or help immediately. It feels like I’m constantly on alert and can never fully relax because I’m always anticipating what he might need or what mood he’ll be in.

I think what’s hardest is how sensitive I am to his words and moods. Even when I tell myself not to take things personally, they still affect me a lot emotionally and can ruin my entire day.

I guess I’m posting because I want advice from people who have dealt with something similar. How do you cope emotionally while still living with a parent like this? How do you stop absorbing every comment or mood shift? And how do you deal with the guilt that comes with wanting distance from someone you still care about?

I also wanted to add that after his last rage episode, my father told me he's no longer going to be giving me money/support (not that he gave me much to begin with). I'm starting a job soon, so I'm hoping that will help me become more independent, but I'd also appreciate any advice from people who have navigated the financial side of situations like this while living at home, I'd really appreciate it.