u/Accurate-Lettuce-355

For a long time, my parents’ struggles and sacrifices were one of the biggest motivations behind my ambition. I genuinely wanted to build a life where I could take care of them and make them proud.

But after living away from home for years, I’ve slowly started realising that, emotionally, they often don’t show up for me the way I hoped they would.

For example, when I’m seriously unwell or struggling alone abroad, they rarely follow up or check in beyond a surface-level conversation. They also don’t seem to remember important details about my life, even after years.

What’s hardest is that now my mind keeps replaying older memories too — moments where I felt emotionally unseen, uncared for, or less important than I wanted to feel as a child.

And it’s confusing because the very people who were once the source of my drive and emotional meaning now also seem connected to a lot of sadness and disappointment.

How do people emotionally process this without becoming bitter or emotionally numb?

Has anyone gone through a similar shift in how they see their parents?

I live in the US while my parents are in India.

Growing up, it wasn't that they didn't take care of my medical needs.

But as an adult living alone abroad, I’ve noticed something that affects me emotionally: if I tell my parents I’m seriously unwell, they usually don’t follow up later, call again, or check how I’m doing the next day.

I think a part of me expected that when your child lives 8000 miles away alone, parents would naturally worry more or keep checking in during sickness (like parents of all my friends and acquaintances do).

I used to care for them very deeply. Their struggles were one of the biggest driving forces behind my ambition. I wanted to succeed for them, take care of them, and give them a better life.

But now I feel heartbroken that they don’t seem to care for me.

Description:

I moved from India to the US almost 4 years ago. Over the years, I’ve told my parents my city/state multiple times (probably 10+), my employer, my timezone, etc.

But almost every call, it feels like they still don’t remember. Also, they never bother to ask me. When I do, they say that they are forgetful of things.

What confuses me is that I always thought these were basic things parents would naturally remember about their child, especially when the child lives 8000 miles away in another country.

I’m trying to understand if this is more common than I think, or if other people have experienced something similar.

Would genuinely appreciate hearing other perspectives/experiences, and how to deal with the emotional neglect.