u/AdMinute5112

Hey everyone, I think I know in my heart it's time to move on but there's a part of me maybe that isn't ready. I 29M and my partner 31M just went on a 30 day break. We've been together for about 5 months. It's a bit of a long story of course but I suppose at it's core, I have always struggled with alcohol and have had some sobriety but of course again I thought I could control it. I mentioned my issue very early on in our relationship, and I guess the hardest part for me are the daily reassurances before our break. It felt like it was something we talked about almost everyday and it was mostly positive and hopeful. What made it really challenging was the fact that his father is an alcoholic and my partner always felt like his dad chose booze over him. His mother is an extremely overprotective person which I do understand. To give some more context, my partner has high functioning Asperger's and it was just the two of them for a long time. He and I would talk for hours everyday and see eachother 1 night a week minimum. It may be kind of embarrassing to admit at my age but I think he's the first person that actually truly loves me outside my family and friends. The kind of love story that I was kind of thinking I'd never get. The day I got sober, (been sober 37 days now) he was going to come over and spend the night, and we were going to spend the weekend together after that too. We were both looking forward to it, and about two hours before the break started, he texted me saying that he's ready to go to battle with me and would show up with a case of coke zero ( I slam those things when I've gotten sober). And then, I get the phone call, and he says he has to break up with me. He spoke to his mom about a fight we had 2 nights prior and i'm pretty sure she made him do it. She has a lot of power over him which makes me...idk sad. We spoke for about 20 minutes, I was so shocked and heartbroken that I said how about we go on a break. Let me show you that I am not choosing alcohol over you like your dad did. He agreed and his last words to me were I love you too. Well, the 30 days are up, and I respected his boundary of no texting for 30 days. Well, it's approaching 36 days now and nothing. Him and I are both super nerdy and creative so I wrote him a long story about addiction. Basically me and a Dragon(alcohol), how it started to corrupt me Yada yada. It was straight from the heart. I mailed him a copy to his work along with a letter. Not begging for him to come back but just to let him know I'll be ok and that it's been a hard month without him. Oh yeah, his mom is also his boss which is another layer of fun. I've done so much in the past month, moved out of my apartment to sober living, got a sponsor, going to an AA meeting everyday, I went skydiving, made new friends, work is going really well, i'm an animal oncology nurse. There's such a big hole in my heart, I think just the no response at all is what's killing me but I suppose it's an answer in itself. I have no idea what the future holds but I suppose none of us do. I miss him a lot and I hope he is ok. Thanks for letting me rant, and if you read this far I appreciate you. -Kev