My bf hit me for the very first time and I don’t know what’s better to do
Yesterday morning I hade a small collision with the car with someone else’s car and after that I called my bf because I was scared and I needed someone and I only could think about him, but he didn’t answer me because before this happened he said that he didn’t wanted to talk with me and then he just hang up on me( he has some weed issues and I was already trying to help him stop, he didn’t wanted to see me or talk to me because he smoked weed again).
He started calling me back after maybe two hours because that’s when he saw my texts about what happened, but it felt like he was only doing it just because not because he was he cared, so I didn’t answered because I was still upset a bit and he also didn’t really tried to contact me, after a few hours I meet him in a fast food by accident and at first I didn’t really said anything since he saw me, when he did he asked what I was doing there but like while smiling/ laughing which made me feel even more upset, so I started to ask hem why he didn’t answer my phone calls or texts since I was seriously in need of help when I called him and he always said that if something happened he would have come to me as soon as possible but instead he didn’t care, and he started blaming me(and I know it was my fault but I didn’t needed that) so I felt really bad because in the past he had a car crash and it was really bad so I though that he should have understood how I felt even if what happened to me was minor than what happened to him in the past, but instead he was laughing about it and saying some nonsense stuff at the moment, so maybe because of how he made me felt( because mostly whenever I needed help instead of being there for me he always tried to make me fell bad) I took something to drink from the table and I threw it on him.
After that I went outside and I was waiting for him while shaking, when he did came out he was shouting at me to leave and that he didn’t wanted to see me anymore but I didn’t because I wanted to talk and know what he was doing when I needed him and he didn’t care, so he started pushing me around by the arms and pulling my hair really bad then he slapped me really bad, at first I was in shock because I love him and I wasn’t expecting something like that from him, then he went inside of the car and I don’t know why.. maybe because of the shock I don’t know if it was anger because I wasn’t really feeling any, but what he did was really unexpected so I started kicking his car because I didn’t wanted him to leave, but on his face I saw the worst expression ever, it was anger and hate at the same time so he came outside of the car and started pulling my hair again and pulled me on the other side of the parking space just by my hair.
At this point some people called the police and I think I also hit him by reflection and when I was calling him a drug addict he came back to me pulled my hair again and my head down and he kicked me head with he’s knee and the he started walking away, the police came and took him and they are going to keep him for 24 hours.
The police officer said that he spoke with the people around and also saw on the security cameras that the way he hit was really bad, and the asked me for a statement and said that then we might have to go to court and he will get a restraining order against me.
The point is that I don’t know what to do, I feel like there is no going back and that if he hit me this much in outside of front of so many strangers then is just going to be easier for him when is going to be only me and him and this makes me feel horrible and just the idea of it hurts me, and I know that right now he hates me and I don’t want him to, I was just trying to help him be better but I guess he didn’t really wanted to be, I was upset because he showed me that he only cares about himself and instead of being there for me when I need me he preferred smoke weed and drive around.
Now the point is I don’t know what to do, my family is saying that probably I should do what the police officer said is better to, because they think that if he hates me now then he’s just waiting to see me and hit me again and this time when is just the two of us, and I also feel that he may want to do it, because I know him and I know that now he doesn’t want anybody and that he hates everybody around him, he has some really bad anger issues and I know that in his family his dad used to hit his mom sometimes before she left him.
Somehow I think that I shouldn’t do any statement and go through with anything else and just break up but something else is telling me that I should do it for many reasons and my safety, I love him so much but maybe he doesn’t love me back, I know I probably had make a mistake by hitting him back at some point but it was the moment and the fact that he was just hitting me and hurting me over and over again, is not the first time that he’s aggressive with me but this is the first time that he hits me like this.