u/AdOk337

Have been living in Tokyo for many years but have not found any authentic mixed-gender allowed 'natural onsen' near Tokyo (not looking for private hot tubs). Me and my wife love to travel and probably have been to more than 100 onsens in Japan. Due to work schedule, we can only manage day-trips and we want to spend as much time as possible together. But in gender separated onsens, we have to spend 1 hour to 1.5 hours without talking with anyone, which feels kind of boring no matter how good the onsen is.

Found some information online, but want to know first-hand experience from people who actually have been mixed-gender (couple) onsen. Our ideal place will be natural hot-springs near river, or open 'rotenburo' (not closed by walls) from where we can have a great view of the nature around.

Any recommendation with actual experience will be appreciated.

I know there are many international couples living in Tokyo, who have met their life partners in many unusual circumstances. These kind of stories are really fun to hear, and make me wonder how a small encounter changes the trajectory of our life.

In my case, it was Japanese language school and started with "Let's practice Japanese".

How about you?

As a foreigner how do you feel living here, especially those who have lived here for more than 15 years?

I have been in Japan for more than 18 years and 15 years of those have been in Tokyo. At the beginning it was very exciting, particularly when I was still a student. I had enough friends (most of them foreigners though) to be busy with. But after starting a career here, getting married, having children- I have started to feel kind of emptiness within me. Japan is pretty cool, safe, organized, people are very polite - but these days what I miss most some unexpected interaction with people.

As a foreigner I find it very difficult to have a casual conversation with Japanese people. I speak fluent Japanese (almost native level), but some basic simple conversation with Japanese people never happens. My kids go to Japanese schools, but I can remember very few parents with whom I had any kind of conversation. In workplace, I have to talk with colleagues, go to nomikai, office tours- but the conversation never happens to personal level.

I remember when I go to Europe or USA, it was not difficult to have a conversation with strangers - no matter how small those conversation were it gave me a sense of belonging. But in Tokyo those kind of interaction never happens, almost it makes me feel like I am invisible to Japanese people. I am not judging people of Japan, but I feel that as foreigner it is very difficult to cross the hidden barrier.

The thought worries me most now is, how life will be after 10 more years living here. I see lonely people in station, parks, supermarkets everywhere and I am afraid that I will be one of them. The thing hurt me most is after living in Japan for such a long time, I cannot say I have a close Japanese friend here. Outside I am a cool law abiding citizen, who understands Japanese culture and etiquette very well- but inside I always feel that I never belong to this society.

So, my question to the people of this community (especially who have been in Japan for a long time)-
"What is your thought about future? Do you think Tokyo will still be a good place when you are old and retired- or, are you thinking of relocating to somewhere else?"

FYI, English is not my native language- so please overlook the mistakes.
The purpose of this post is not to judge Japan or the wonderful people live here, but to hear the thoughts of foreigners who are living here for long time.