Am I crazy??
So I need to get this out because my family is blaming me and saying that this whole situation is my fault. Hello world of Reddit! So to start this story out I’m in a bad spot in life as it happens to a lot of people, I’m in my early 20’s and still living at my mothers house( because my father died when I was a child and my mother is the black sheep of the family so I’m not close in anyway with my non immediate family. I’m in between jobs atm and have been for awhile because I took a little time to get my health corrected, I’ve got a bad heart and extremely high blood pressure. I came inside the other day mad(about 6/10) I took my car to my uncles to get it fixed(shaking badly) rotated my tired and the shaking got worse and so bad that I barely made it home and I can’t move my car anymore. So I come in mad and bitching and complaining about my situation to my mother semi loud but not loud enough people outside could hear or even my aunt who was in the house just 3 bedrooms down, so loud but not loud at the same time. Within 1 minute of starting my moms ex husband now boyfriend comes out of his room (been drinking all day) say heyhey and shoves me against the front door within 2 seconds of coming in the room, pushes me so hard I stumble about 4-5ft and slam into the front door. I then responded with asking him if he would like to go to jail now for assaulting me( he’s been hitting me and my brother for 20 years btw) my mother gets up and starts yelling at him( which is the only thing she does to him even when me and my brother were 5-7 years old, never called the cops on him never threatened him or hit him just yell at him for it) he screams at the top of his lungs FUCK YOU to me my mom and his sister (my aunt in a bedroom) Then proceeded to pack a bag and run away to his cousins house over 100miles away to the next state over.(which he always does every single time) and the next day turned off my devices from the internet, my mothers and his sisters too. And today he finally turned my mothers and aunts internet access back on but still has me locked out which I got upset about earlier today because I’m like “why am I being punished?? For threatening to call the cops on him to protect myself? My mother proceeds to tell me again that I don’t have to live here even though she was just as mad this morning when her stuff wasn’t working. My mother has proceeded to blame me for the whole instance. Said if I wasn’t yelling he wouldn’t have but his hands on me and she wouldn’t have had to yell at him and that they wouldn’t be mad at each other if it wasn’t for me. And that they wouldn’t have lost internet if I didn’t make him mad. Oh btw he is 57 years old and like 6’3 and I’m only 5’7. He averages putting his hands on me about once a year give or take. And my mother since I was in my teens has told me it is how it is and if I don’t like it I don’t have to live hear and has refused to let me call the cops on him by threatening to kick me out even when I was a teenager. I feel like I’m going crazy because yea I was upset and semi loud but I don’t feel like him not being able to control himself isn’t my fault but I’m being told it is. I don’t understand how him picking a fight and being a dick to me my mother and my aunt (who during the whole thing never left her room and told me she didn’t even hear me but heard him) is just my fault. Am I crazy?? I’ve dealt with this and felt like this for the last 20 years. Please feel free to give me your opinions on this matter. If it is all my fault and you guys think so too then I’ll accept it but if it’s not I would love someone else’s opinion besides the people being this way towards me because I only have their feedback which is just it’s all my fault ever since he started when I was 5.