What if 👻
For some background, I’m a 34-year-old woman who has been married for 10 years and with the same man for 13yrs.
Six years ago, my husband, who is 10 years older than me, admitted that he had been cheating on me with a co-worker for years and even had a child with her. Only me, him, and his family know about it because I wanted to protect my own family from the shame and heartbreak of finding out that their daughter had been cheated on.
I chose not to leave him for several reasons. First, I needed financial stability for myself and my child. Second, I didn’t want the other woman to get the satisfaction of knowing she had broken my marriage. Third, whether it was right or wrong, I felt that he was stuck with me no matter what. I made him cut all communication with her, and he did. He’s a good provider, kind, and loving in many ways. His failure was choosing to cheat.
Recently, I reconnected with a man who once courted me before my husband did. Let’s call him Casper, also 34 years old.
I liked him back then too, but my husband came in and swept me off my feet. Casper and I remained friends over the years because nothing ever happened between us. Part of the reason was that I genuinely thought he was younger than me. Turns out, I was wrong. We would occasionally greet each other during holidays, and I even gave him relationship advice during one of his past relationship. Since I’m on and off social media, we never really kept in constant contact.
About a year ago, I found out that Casper was behind some projects and work that I really admired. I sent him a casual message to congratulate him on his success.
A few months ago, he invited me to one of his gigs, and I attended. There was no special treatment; he simply gave me a free pass. In return, I brought him a small gift as a token of appreciation. I just didn’t want to show up empty-handed.
A few weeks ago, we ended up having a casual conversation on messenger. Out of nowhere, he admitted that he had genuinely wanted to pursue me years ago if I hadn’t already been in a relationship with my now-husband. I told him that if I had known we were the same age, I probably would have considered dating him too. We laughed about it and moved on.
But ever since that conversation, things have felt a little awkward. We’ve gone back to barely interacting.
Now I can’t stop thinking about it. What if I had dated Casper instead of my husband? Would I have been spared this heartbreak, or would life have found another way to hurt me anyway? 😅