Please help I’m at a loss…
Hello,
I just recently moved in with my SO. I have only ever lived with family and am in my late 20s. My SO and I have been together for a long time and have known each other since we were kids (dated in school). I have a son with autism and my SO has been around him since he was a baby. They’ve always gotten along well and my SO has treated him like he’s his own child.
Well, we finally moved in together and we are on day 8 currently. Since we’ve moved in my son and my bf have been bickering non stop. My son is young and struggles with communication and social interactions. He sometimes misinterprets words or body/facial language. My son will speak up and say that something my SO said really bothered him or hurt his feelings. And instead of trying to talk to him or explain/clarify, he just argues back with him. “No I did not! You’re lying.” I am very protective over my child and don’t take any shit from anyone when it comes to him. So of course, I immediately speak up when this stuff happens. I NEVER stay silent. But he doesn’t back down or just moves on and ignores that he was in the wrong and it leaves both me and my child frustrated.
He will also tease him constantly and my son has told him how uncomfortable it is for him and how it makes him feel bad about himself. I told my SO to knock that shit off and he will for a bit then starts back up the next day or later in the day. My SO also will play really rough and it freaks my kid out. Sometimes it gets to the point where I’m trying to clean or take care of something in another room and my child comes running in behind me saying “make him stop!!!”. The other day I walked into the room yo find my son having anxiety because my bf thought it was funny to put a plastic bag over his head and make stupid noises. I absolutely flipped and questioned why he thought that would be acceptable to do in front of a kid. Mind you, a child on the spectrum who repeats behaviors he sees. I’m really at a loss…I’ve talked to him dozens of times if not a hundred at this point. I get dismissed, told he didn’t do something he clearly said or did, he placates me to try and end the conversation, or he says he’ll do better and then just absolutely doesn’t.
My kiddo has always had such a natural happy disposition and the last 8 days I’ve noticed his demeanor shift more towards quiet and snappy and frustrated. And it’s tearing me up. I feel like such a bad mom. I keep speaking up, I keep drawing boundaries (even ones that involve myself), yet I am getting NOTHING out of him.
I talked to my family and they said to keep trying to communicate with him but I’m absolutely fucking drained and this transition has not been easy for me either. I feel so not attracted to him right now and find myself unfortunately feeling sad when he gets home from work. My brain and body keep telling me to take space and remove myself and child from the home. But we also just moved in and I don’t know if my own anxiety and homesickness is playing a larger role in this than I realize. We’ve been building our lives side by side and this was supposed to be a huge moment for us. And it’s just sucked so far.
What should I do??? Should I leave? Should I talk to him one final time and say either fix it or we are gone???
I am not really willing to give it months to see if it improves because my child is uncomfortable right now and that makes me sick to my stomach. Literally.