u/Airadelle

For context my mum lives a 4 hour plane trip from me and visited last summer to our new home. My husband and I are avid smoke haters. Immediately the smell is repulsive. I grew up in a smokers home and I had nose blindness until I moved out. Ever since we’ve been very vocal about how we don’t like it and ask for her respect in our home. She doesn’t smoke in my house but she literally goes out every 30 mins to light up. It’s so bad she is permanently covered in the smell even though she washes regularly. When she visited we asked if she could wear a clothing layer only to smoke in and take off in the garage before coming inside. Apparently that was incredibly insulting to her and a personal attack. I desperately don’t want our baby near or exposed to second hand smoke even third hand and I know she wants to visit fairly soon after the birth. How can I draw some lines that say you’re absolutely welcome and I’m not at all trying to keep you from your grandchild but you need to respect our rules and I will not jeopardize the safety and health of my child for your addiction.

Honestly I’m concerned that if she doesn’t quit smoking completely this will jeopardize the health of my baby. I know growing up in a smokers home I was constantly exposed to 2nd hand smoke and suffered with asthma and reoccurring ear infections ( unbeknownst to her how I was getting them)
I know it’s only a short visit and she said she’d get an air BnB (but honestly I know she doesn’t have the money for it either) I don’t see how she wouldn’t be at my house all day going in and out for smokes.
Also the reason for the immediate visit date is because at her work she has to book vacation a year in advance and she just happened to have booked off before she even knew of the baby’s due date. So I don’t fault her for that. She’s upset she won’t see them till 2027.

Please any tips or insight on how to navigate this situation would be appreciated, we have just over 3 months until baby’s birth.