My husband has been distant/mean towards me and idk what to do? r/Marraige advice

so my husband (28M) and I (26F) have been married for 2 years together for 5 things were going well until a few months after I gave birth. He said it feels a lot looser now which is why he can’t finish. we always have sex in the dark. I said I want to have sex with the lights on and he refused. He also pointed out things I was insecure about while I was pregnant like varicose veins on my legs multiple times, he constantly jokes about my appearance and for the first time in my life I’ve started feeling ugly and picking apart the things he jokes about in the mirror. there’s so much more behaviour that I’m honestly getting sick off. I also found a few visits to a dating app from around when we had our first big fight in his googel history. I confronted him he said he has no idea what it’s from and I’m trying to trust that he’s being truthful as he’s always been so against cheating and he’s been honest with me throughout our relationship so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But I’ll never forget that look on his face when I asked him did you cheat on me? He looked like a deer in the headlights and took a few good seconds to say “well you can think that if you want, I mean I know I didn’t do anything”. My gut was screaming at me he’d done something I just can’t find anything on his phone no trace of being unfaithful so Im still choosing to trust his word. (I know I shouldn’t of went through it I should respect his privacy but something felt off) I’m only 26 we are married as we are both Christian. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be happier without him and how I could do things without being held back by him and his opinions of what I should do for a job etc. but I do love him and feel like I’d miss him if we divorced. We have good times together mostly and a good bond/conversations. He always says he loves me and appreciates me but his actions at times make it hard. these things/comments happen every now and then even though I’ve asked him to stop and that I feel ugly/insecure but he says ok sorry I’ll stop but uses the excuse of it’s just my humour to roast you and he does it in more of a teasing/playful way but it’s started to get to me. I think I’m reasonably attractive and he’s said he finds me very attractive but idk am I overthinking this? I caught him staring at a girls bum right in front of me with his daughter on his lap. I was fuming inside but I didn’t say anything I just said I want to go home :( he also controls our finances I’m a sahm and he has gotten angry at me for spending money without asking him when I needed to top up my phone to use google maps he said ok you can top up your phone but I was out and I couldn’t find my way home after going to a different part of the city he called me I said I’m lost he just oh well you need to figure it out I’m not helping you .I’m now locked out of our account so I don’t have access to money even though majority of the savings are mine from when I was working and my inheritance money. I feel numb sometimes when I think about how he treats me sometimes but then the good times outweigh the bad but I also know these are big red flags despite these things he has some great qualities he loves his family he always looks forward to coming home but he doesn’t give me much attention unless he wants sex. I want to improve our relationship but if I bring things up he gets super defensive and gives me the silent treatment. honest advice from a male perspective? or a woman who has been through similar? I want to start working again to have my own money to spend of nice things for myself every now and then. And to be seen as more of an equal in the relationship. I have a part time job offer lined up which I think I’ll take. I used to be a daycare chef and was always told I’m a good cook but he humiliates me infront of his family saying how bad my cooking is even though they were pretty meals good mostly. He try’s to say why can’t I keep the house clean, stay on top of the washing look after our daughter and still cook and clean every day while he comes home from work eats dinner while going on his phone while I try to converse with him And then goes to sit in the toilet for an hour while I do the dishes and get our daughter ready for bed. I understand he’s probably tired but it’s not a good excuse for being flatout ignoring me. I know he’s insecure because he’s overweight , he started going to the gym at 4am most mornings the last month And he seems a lot happier when he takes care of his health. But I just feel invisible to him and like he wants someone that looks different to me when he jokes about things or points out my appearance how my boobs are so saggy now after breastfeeding etc. then he goes on about how some girl he went on a date before we met had MASSIVE boobs blah blah blah because we saw her in public at the park. and he kept going on and on about it when we got home I have smaller boob btw lol. And he always asks me about my cousin who is really pretty, who does she hang out with? ohh does she have blue eyes!? she has dark hair and blue eyes similar to what his preference is/celeb crush Megan fox. I see him always staring at her in the photos when they are sent to the family chat that he’s in Too. I feel so shit like if he could he would choose someone that looks completely different to me. I have hope it can get better but I’m also really scared it could get way worse and I don’t want my daughter to think this is normal for a husband to speak to and treat his wife this way. thanks in advance, any advice appreciated I want to know if I’m severely overthinking this? or if I’m valid in feeling like he’s being such an AH to me and wanting to possibly leave.