I suspect bpd and i wanna talk to a psychiatrist about it
(I’m 19 btw)
I don’t want treatment of any kind tbh
I just want to know if I’m faking everything and that there’s nothing wrong and im just a big fraud and a liar even to myself
I’m worried I haven’t read about it enough or not the correct places or things to read
I do relate to a lot of the symptoms but not all of them. I don’t relate to the impulsivity thing but I’m not sure if i don’t maybe i do and i don’t know it bc i have no idea what to say or think whenever I’m asked anything about myself i don’t have a self genuinely
And to be honest any of the shit I’ve read haven’t made me feel exposed or understood(in my whole life actually and i mean it) until i saw a girl with bpd talk about things like identity disturbance in bpd, emotional impermanence in bpd, jealousy in bpd, control in bpd and splitting in bpd
Even though i tend to bottle up the things i want to scream at people until it bombs in their face or it turns into anxious pathetic pleading for them not to leave me or just genuinely telling them that they feel a certain way about me and are gonna leave me
Anyway im worried im just like the people who see a few symptoms of autism or adhd on the internet and claim that they have it ( i relate to a lot of those too)
So i wanna be educated more maybe ill know what to say to the psychiatrist im afraid he’ll just laugh at me and tell me that there’s nothing wrong with me and that im making it up and and a disgusting attention seeker
Do you guys have any good resources? Please not very very long and boring and please can it be not like the ones where it feels obvious that they’re an outsider who doesn’t actually know wtf they’re talking about and just listing things and describing them on a surface level
I relate to it the most when someone mentions the root cause the fear and the pain and that causes me to be and think and act this way
Maybe I’m just desperate to be something and to know that i am understood and there are people like me and im just making all of this shit up in the end
I’m sorry if i waste your time and i end up just being a fraud
And im sorry if this turned into a rant im just really in a bad place right now i hope i don’t make it and escape