I’m about to finish up my first year in college and I’ve haven’t really been satisfied with how it’s going so far. I’ve been doing bad socially and I feel like I haven’t been able to find a group where I truly fit in. The year so far has been a cool experience but I don’t think I’ve ever been as lonely
I am in a friend group and they’re all really genuine and kind people but I just feel like they’re not really fun to be around. I feel terrible even thinking that since I know they will always have my back but I really just have nothing in common with them. Barely any common interests, goals, senses of humor, etc. they’re also super career/academic oriented which matters to me as well, but I also want to have fun and party and do dumb college things. It’s gotten to the point where I’m just super awkward whenever I’m with the group and I have no idea what to talk about with them. I still love and am eternally grateful for them though, as they’re genuinely amazing people who support me, but every time I hangout with them I just feel empty, drained, and depressed.
My only other friend is a guy outside the group who is kinda the opposite. We have similar interests and hobbies, basically same sense of humor, and similar goals in life. He also shares the work hard play hard mindset that I have, as he’s able to achieve his personal goals while sparing some time on the weekend to have fun. Whenever we talk, we have some pretty good banter and convo and I feel like I can never get bored, unlike anything I’ve experienced with my friend group. But the thing is, I feel like he’s kinda a bad friend. Idk if he does it on purpose or if it’s just his personality but he never invites me out and even occasionally talks about plans he made with other people with me. He also constantly ignores my messages when I text him. A week ago, I asked him if he was free over the weekend, but he left me on delivered for the entire weekend. Even though I’m certain he saw the message since he posted a story over the same weekend. A mutual friend of ours says that’s just ‘a thing he does’ but it’s still weird regardless. Whenever I’m with him in a group, he also sometimes ignores me and spends all his time talking to others. This may be because I generally just get quiet in groups but he barely makes an effort to include me. He sometimes makes me feel like shit but he’s basically the only person I know who I can laugh with and have a genuine conversation with.
Sorry if this came out rant-y, I’ve just been very lost on what to do. I feel extremely guilty cuz I’ve blown off my friend group several times to hang out with the other friend even though I know the friend group actually cares about my presence. Ive been excusing my other friend's actions as just the way he is since besides those issues we seem to really vibe with each other but idk. I know I should try to branch out and try to find other friends but I have social anxiety and I feel like people are generally less open to making friends past freshman year so it’s gonna be harder from here on.