WIBTA for not wanting to move my PhD defense date so my parents can attend?
I’m a PhD student and I recently scheduled my dissertation defense.
Originally, my defense was expected to happen around week N+3. However, after coordinating with the jury, I realized I could move it earlier to week N, which would allow the maximum number of jury members to attend in person instead of remotely.
This mattered a lot because one of the jurors is an international researcher from outside my country who is interested in collaborating with my lab. Having them physically present felt professionally important. Even with the earlier date, one juror would still already be attending remotely, so I wanted to avoid losing another in-person member.
Here’s the problem: my parents had planned a non-refundable trip during week N.
The issue is that I didn’t know that.
The last information I had from them was that they were traveling during weeks N+1 and N+2. One of my parents later needed to be back by week N+2, so they quietly shifted the trip earlier to weeks N and N+1. They never told me the dates changed.
At the same time, I never checked with them before finalizing the defense date change. I was mostly focused on committee logistics and getting as many jurors physically present as possible.
Now we’ve realized the conflict:
If I keep the current defense date, my parents will likely miss my defense.
If I move the defense later, the international juror will probably have to attend remotely instead of in person, and the overall jury setup becomes weaker academically/professionally.
The trip is non-refundable, but the defense is also difficult to coordinate because of multiple academics’ schedules (over 8 people confirmed attendance this week in person, whether as jurors, supervisors or important invited members). Furthermore, this decision defense date only confirmed 48h ago, and changing it so suddenly and so little after confirmation seems unprofessional.
My parents are upset at possibly missing the defense. I also feel frustrated because I made the scheduling decision for legitimate professional reasons and based on outdated travel information.
So WIBTA if I keep the current defense date and let my parents miss it?
EDIT: No one in the jury knows about this scheduling conflict with my parents. The date was chosen to maximize in person attendance.
EDIT2: They would lose around $500 if they changed the dates of the trip. I don't think they should.