u/Cheap-Advert

Hi reddit, I made a post here not too long ago about my then boyfriend. Please if you want context for what the problems in the relationship were then see the post i made here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1tejy21/my_22f_boyfriend_24m_keeps_doing_the_opposite_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

( i do recommend looking a what happened before commenting : ) )

So, after the events of the update of my post he was wandering the streets and had nowhere to stay since he didnt book the hotel for the right dates. While he was wandering the streets he began to post alot on twitter. By a lot i mean ALOT... he had 54 posts on twitter within 24hrs of our break up. At first honestly they just scared me as there was a lot of pictures from places outside my apartment (not like pictures of my apartment but things like around the corner). Luckily i was staying at my mums place after i kicked him out. But the posts kept coming. he spent 2.5 days out on the streets posting every 10-45 mins. To be honest i couldn't stop reading the tweets, i wanted to know he was still alive and hadn't been hurt since he was drinking the whole time. Thankfully he made it out okay and managed to get his flight back home. I thought that when he got home the tweets would stop and i could just move on and block him. But they didn't stop. He's still posting, less frequently but still every few hours he makes a post dedicated to me... I'm starting to feel bad and have had to stop myself from reaching out to him. I keep having to remind myself i shouldn't feel bad for ending things with him as he routinely crossed my boundaries (love bombing me, eating my hair and booking to come over when i told him not to). The constant posts about how sorry he is and how he just wants one more chance are killing me. im starting to really miss talking to him and im feeling so conflicted. He did things to me i should hate him for but my brain keeps wanting to just talk to him and check if he's okay...

So i need advice on what to do about the way I'm feeling and if i should contact him again. honestly just any advice about this would be great. My brain just keeps telling me im the problem and that i was overreacting about everything, but at the same time i don't think i was. i just feel so conflicted. So please reddit, please help me and share your advice with me.

Also apologies if the post doesn't make a lot of sense, since what happened I've not been sleeping and I've been having panic attacks for the first time in a long time.

My [22f] boyfriend [24m] keeps doing the opposite of what I ask, like eating my hair.

Hi again, I posted a little while back regarding my boyfriend of about 3 months (we are long-distance). The post was detailing how much he puts me on a pedestal and showers me with too much affection (think poetry almost every day, way too many nicknames and post on Twitter about me for anyone to see ..etc..). But it got removed for reasons im still unclear about. So I'll do my best to summarise what's going on.

So things were going great the first time we met up and actually got together. But even the first time he came over, I said for a few days to a week. But he insisted he come for 11 days. So I gave in and let him. Then, a month passed with him being very affectionate, and during that time, I told him it was a bit too much for me. He said that was okay and he would calm down. But a few days later, he was back to laying it on thick with the affection. He then admitted to eating my hair that had somehow gotten into his luggage. I told him not to do it again. Then I think about a week later he did it again. I expressed I didn't like it, and I didn't want him to do it. He would just get all sad and tell me he just wanted me to be a part of him.

Then he came over again for 2 weeks. But towards the end of the 2 weeks, we had a discussion about dating apps. I said "well im not the prettiest girl in the world, but..." and he interrupts and says 'yea you are like a 4.8 - 4.9". I was floored and just continued what I was saying that i still got matches and that dating apps are very unbalanced for men and women. He then saw the upset on my face, and he started to cry. This led to me having to comfort him for saying something like that to me.

This led to my feelings towards him changing. Im a deeply self-conscious person, and being around him became hard. Even on calls with him and our mutual friends. So I tried to distance myself a bit because he was overwhelming me on top of everything I have going on at the moment. (im getting evicted from my apartment, Im having to resit my final year at uni, and im having to job hunt and look for a new flat by the end of this month)

Then he spoke to me about coming over for 2 weeks or longer in the next few weeks. I told him i didn't want him to come over as I have a lot going on, and I would prefer to wait till im moved and settled. He got said but said he understood. Then, the next day, he tells me he has a surprise. He's coming over next weekend (now today) for two days. I got upset again because I just told him to wait till I had moved and gotten things sorted. I told him that next time he wants to come over, we need to discuss when he's coming over next time and that I dont like that he ignores what I say. He said he understood and thanked me for calling him out.

Then we get to a 2 days ago. He texts me an overly loving text in the morning with a bunch of pet names. He then texts me, saying, I just ate one more of your hairs...

I didn't respond for a while and then texted and Insighted a conversation that consisted of : why did you do that?, Im not going to do this anymore, and we will talk about this relationship when you are over and what we need from this.

I just need advice about what to say to him when we talk. I have a hard time wording myself, so any pointers on what to do would be great. Im sorry if this post is a mess and doesn't make sense. Thank you in advance

Update:

So for all those yelling run and that this guy isn't okay. Yeah, you were right ! And now I'll explain what just happened.

So... I told him not to come over. And he said that he understood and thanked me for telling him. But I didn't believe that he wouldn't take the flight to come see me even though I told him not to. And I was right. I hadn't heard from him after I told him not to come.

So I texted him just saying hey. And he replies, saying he was going to come drop off a letter and a gift. I asked him if he was here, and he confirmed. He was at a bar I used to work at writing me a letter. I (against my better judgement) agreed to meet him in public. We sat and started talking. He went on this long sob story while crying his eyes out. He kept saying that I was the person he loved the most in the whole world and that he couldn't live without me. I told him that it wasnt okay he was telling me that he was going to off himself if I wasn't in his life. He admitted that was wrong and then a few minutes later said the same thing again, that he couldn't live without me. While quite drunk, he started throwing up on the floor of the place where we were sitting. After some time, he stopped.

We then got on to the topic of where he was going to stay. He said he was just going to wander the streets for the 2 days he was here. I told him he couldn't do that as it wasn't safe. He kept crying, saying he deserved it and kept belittling himself. I told him that he was going to come back to my flat and book a hotel. I was going to confirm that he had, and I wanted proof when he got there. He wasn't very willing but after arguing about it he came with me (bad idea I know). When we got to the flat, he started crying more. I heated up some food and cut it up for him so it was easy to eat and gave it to him, but he never touched it. He went into the bathroom to throw up more and cry. While he was in there, he left the gift on the chair in my bedroom (the gift was an ikea shark i collect them..). I saw that there was blood on it. I got scared he had hurt himself. So when he eventually came out of the bathroom, I confronted him about it. He showed me his knuckle that was bleeding. While talking outside, he had punched the bench we were sitting on.

We then sat down and I waited for him to book the hotel which he took a long time to do. He kept sobbing and stopping and starting the process of booking the hotel. He ended up booking a hotel but not for the days he was here, so now he had no where to stay. He couldn't give me an answer to why he booked the wrong days other than he deserved to walk around in the cold for what he has done. I tried to reason with him saying, you maybe be a bit of an asshole right now but you dont deserve to be out on the streets,I care about your wellbeing and I dont want you to get hurt.

After that, he kept telling me I was the only person who cared about him. I told him that wasn't true. I tried to list off our mutual friends. He then stopped me at the first name (we will call him Kay). And said I was flirting with him. I'm staying up till 2 am playing games with him and other guys from our friend group. And that I chose to talk to them instead of helping him when we was thinking about off-ing himself. (I genuinely dont know what he is going on about here. I looked back through our messages, and I couldn't see when he was thinking about that or expressed that to me.). I asked him when did that happen and when he couldn't give me an answer I told him to get the fuck out of my house. So he took his time but left while saying it was nice knowing you and I love you. I just shouted (i know I should've shouted) that I dont love him anymore and I never want to hear or see him again. I gave him the ikea shark, which he left in the stairwell outside my door. I was too scared to check if he left and called my mum, who told me to call the police. So I did, they came out and are now keeping an eye out for him roaming the streets.

My mum ended up coming to pick me up and take me to hers. So now im a good hour away from home and safe. But I can't help but be worried sick about where he went. I know I should just focus on myself and not think about him, I just can't help but be so scared he might hurt himself. I just dont know what to do now.

Hi again, I posted a little while back regarding my boyfriend of about 3 months (we are long-distance). The post was detailing how much he puts me on a pedestal and showers me with too much affection (think poetry almost every day, way too many nicknames and post on Twitter about me for anyone to see ..etc..). But it got removed for reasons im still unclear about. So I'll do my best to summarise what's going on.

So things were going great the first time we met up and actually got together. But even the first time he came over, I said for a few days to a week. But he insisted he come for 11 days. So I gave in and let him. Then, a month passed with him being very affectionate, and during that time, I told him it was a bit too much for me. He said that was okay and he would calm down. But a few days later, he was back to laying it on thick with the affection. He then admitted to eating my hair that had somehow gotten into his luggage. I told him not to do it again. Then I think about a week later he did it again. I expressed I didn't like it, and I didn't want him to do it. He would just get all sad and tell me he just wanted me to be a part of him.

Then he came over again for 2 weeks. But towards the end of the 2 weeks, we had a discussion about dating apps. I said "well im not the prettiest girl in the world, but..." and he interrupts and says 'yea you are like a 4.8 - 4.9". I was floored and just continued what I was saying that i still got matches and that dating apps are very unbalanced for men and women. He then saw the upset on my face, and he started to cry. This led to me having to comfort him for saying something like that to me.

This led to my feelings towards him changing. Im a deeply self-conscious person, and being around him became hard. Even on calls with him and our mutual friends. So I tried to distance myself a bit because he was overwhelming me on top of everything I have going on at the moment. (im getting evicted from my apartment, Im having to resit my final year at uni, and im having to job hunt and look for a new flat by the end of this month)

Then he spoke to me about coming over for 2 weeks or longer in the next few weeks. I told him i didn't want him to come over as I have a lot going on, and I would prefer to wait till im moved and settled. He got said but said he understood. Then, the next day, he tells me he has a surprise. He's coming over next weekend (now today) for two days. I got upset again because I just told him to wait till I had moved and gotten things sorted. I told him that next time he wants to come over, we need to discuss when he's coming over next time and that I dont like that he ignores what I say. He said he understood and thanked me for calling him out.

Then we get to a 2 days ago. He texts me an overly loving text in the morning with a bunch of pet names. He then texts me, saying, I just ate one more of your hairs...

I didn't respond for a while and then texted and Insighted a conversation that consisted of : why did you do that?, Im not going to do this anymore, and we will talk about this relationship when you are over and what we need from this.

I just need advice about what to say to him when we talk. I have a hard time wording myself, so any pointers on what to do would be great. Im sorry if this post is a mess and doesn't make sense. Thank you in advance

Update:

So for all those yelling run and that this guy isn't okay. Yeah, you were right ! And now I'll explain what just happened.

So... I told him not to come over. And he said that he understood and thanked me for telling him. But I didn't believe that he wouldn't take the flight to come see me even though I told him not to. And I was right. I hadn't heard from him after I told him not to come.

So I texted him just saying hey. And he replies, saying he was going to come drop off a letter and a gift. I asked him if he was here, and he confirmed. He was at a bar I used to work at writing me a letter. I (against my better judgement) agreed to meet him in public. We sat and started talking. He went on this long sob story while crying his eyes out. He kept saying that I was the person he loved the most in the whole world and that he couldn't live without me. I told him that it wasnt okay he was telling me that he was going to off himself if I wasn't in his life. He admitted that was wrong and then a few minutes later said the same thing again, that he couldn't live without me. While quite drunk, he started throwing up on the floor of the place where we were sitting. After some time, he stopped.

We then got on to the topic of where he was going to stay. He said he was just going to wander the streets for the 2 days he was here. I told him he couldn't do that as it wasn't safe. He kept crying, saying he deserved it and kept belittling himself. I told him that he was going to come back to my flat and book a hotel. I was going to confirm that he had, and I wanted proof when he got there. He wasn't very willing but after arguing about it he came with me (bad idea I know). When we got to the flat, he started crying more. I heated up some food and cut it up for him so it was easy to eat and gave it to him, but he never touched it. He went into the bathroom to throw up more and cry. While he was in there, he left the gift on the chair in my bedroom (the gift was an ikea shark i collect them..). I saw that there was blood on it. I got scared he had hurt himself. So when he eventually came out of the bathroom, I confronted him about it. He showed me his knuckle that was bleeding. While talking outside, he had punched the bench we were sitting on.

We then sat down and I waited for him to book the hotel which he took a long time to do. He kept sobbing and stopping and starting the process of booking the hotel. He ended up booking a hotel but not for the days he was here, so now he had no where to stay. He couldn't give me an answer to why he booked the wrong days other than he deserved to walk around in the cold for what he has done. I tried to reason with him saying, you maybe be a bit of an asshole right now but you dont deserve to be out on the streets,I care about your wellbeing and I dont want you to get hurt.

After that, he kept telling me I was the only person who cared about him. I told him that wasn't true. I tried to list off our mutual friends. He then stopped me at the first name (we will call him Kay). And said I was flirting with him. I'm staying up till 2 am playing games with him and other guys from our friend group. And that I chose to talk to them instead of helping him when we was thinking about off-ing himself. (I genuinely dont know what he is going on about here. I looked back through our messages, and I couldn't see when he was thinking about that or expressed that to me.). I asked him when did that happen and when he couldn't give me an answer I told him to get the fuck out of my house. So he took his time but left while saying it was nice knowing you and I love you. I just shouted (i know I should've shouted) that I dont love him anymore and I never want to hear or see him again. I gave him the ikea shark, which he left in the stairwell outside my door. I was too scared to check if he left and called my mum, who told me to call the police. So I did, they came out and are now keeping an eye out for him roaming the streets.

My mum ended up coming to pick me up and take me to hers. So now im a good hour away from home and safe. But I can't help but be worried sick about where he went. I know I should just focus on myself and not think about him, I just can't help but be so scared he might hurt himself. I just dont know what to do now.

So this post is a bit long, and im dyslexic so apologies if it's not structured or spelt well.

So i met him through a friend of a friend online. There was a minecraft server hosted by my friends work friend (they played on the same pro team (LoL))so by proxy I was invited.

We started talking as we built close to each other. After 3-4 months of talking, he wanted to come over. I was hesitant, but before I knew it, he was booking the tickets (mind you, I said he could come for a few days and he came for 11...).

The 11 days went okay, and we ended up making it official. After making it official, he became very ... overwhelming? I still dont know what to call this feeling.

How did he become overwhelming? Well, every day, he would text me long paragraphs declaring is love. These were all written in old English. He constantly puts me on a pedestal, telling me im the greatest, the best girlfriend ever, and just overwhelming complements that I didn't really know how to reply to. It started to make me uncomfortable as I felt like I wasn't allowed to be anything but perfect. So I spoke to him about it. I told him all of this made me feel overwhelmed, and I asked if we could tone it down. He ended up getting very sad and while he stopped for a little. He then continued. Mind you, we have only just started dating. I just feel like this is alot, he is constantly wanting my attention and gets moody and non responsive at times when I dont want to do something with him.

He came over a second time, and when he was over, he called me a 4.8-4.9/10. After he called me that he started to cry and shake. So I had to comfort him after he insulted me. While I was just sitting there quiet and feeling like shit and I still do. I've started to eat less and hate going outside after someone I have shown my body to say something like that to me. He brought up that the reason I was a 4.9 was because of my scars (they are very prominent and from being self-inflicted). Now, I have started to feel like a freak again for having scars and wearing short sleeves. I worked so hard over many years to feel comfortable having my scars out.

Since that incident (about 3 weeks ago), he's been even more overwhelming. He started posting things on his Twitter directed at me. Like love poems and just general messages to me and about me. Amongst those post was self loathing posts after I didn't do something with him (like watching a show or playing something). I brought this up to him as well, saying I was really uncomfortable with it. He apologised and later only took down the self-loathing ones and still posts poems and messages to me on his PUBLIC Twitter.

All of this in like 2 months of dating is a lot, and I have no idea what to do. When I bring it up to him, I feel like im the bad guy for asking for things to be a bit more relaxed. I want a more mature and relaxed relationship after a very rough dating past. I just dont know how to approach any of this. I need to talk to him as im getting irritated by him now and trying to avoid talking to him these past few days.

Im his first relationship, and he's not got many friends he talks to, so im basically all he's got (his words). So I feel an amence amount of pressure to always reply and act perfectly. I understand all of this probably stems from the fact that he's been lonely. The fact im trying to lessen things between us isn't making anything better, and as a subsequnce, he's overcompensating.

So any advice would be appreciated thank you !