I’m a guy who moved to the US as an atheist. Here I met my now wife, who grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Looking back, I honestly feel like I got caught in a “flirt to convert” situation, even if maybe nobody consciously meant harm.
When we met, I wasn’t religious at all. But little by little I changed everything about myself because I loved her and I wanted the relationship to work. I left behind a lot of my culture, my habits, my way of thinking, and even parts of my personality. I started following church standards step by step because making her happy became more important than asking myself what actually made me happy.
The truth is: I didn’t join the church because I deeply believed in it. I joined because I loved her.
I got baptized, received my endowment, and we got sealed in the temple. Ironically, it was during the endowment and sealing process that I started seriously doubting everything. I remember sitting there thinking: “Why didn’t I research this earlier?”
I feel fooled, but mostly by myself. I rushed into something life-changing without really understanding what I was committing to. At the same time, I also feel like I never got a fully honest picture of how things actually work inside the church. My wife grew up in it, so from her perspective it’s normal and positive, and I understand that.
A few months ago I left the church. My wife still loves me and accepts that I left, which I appreciate. But we still have major differences that make me anxious about the future. She still wants me to fit the traditional LDS husband/provider role, and she wants future kids raised in the church. I honestly don’t want that.
Now I’m stuck trying to understand whether this relationship was built on real compatibility or on me changing myself to fit into a religious system and lifestyle that was never truly mine.
I’m curious if anyone else especially converts, ex-Mormons, immigrants, or people in mixed-faith marriages has experienced something similar.
I don't want kids in the church, while she wants that. she is not open to deal.