u/Deep_Lab_8236

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I really need honest opinions because part of me still feels guilty, even though I know how much this hurt me.

I met a guy at university, and at first I kept my distance because he seemed religious and reserved. Eventually, I confessed my feelings to him, and he said he loved me too.

But our relationship never felt secure or acknowledged. If I didn’t text first, we could go days barely talking. He also didn’t want people knowing about us because he said it could affect his “reputation.”

Still, I loved him deeply.

At the end of the school year, I made him a handmade gift, and he seemed genuinely touched by it. During summer, even though we barely talked, I still prepared a special birthday gift for him. He told me he cried from happiness and even said, “I love you, wallah.”

The next year, we got closer. We studied together sometimes, and my feelings grew stronger. I know I wasn’t perfect either — I can be emotional and quick-tempered sometimes — but I genuinely loved him with everything I had.

Then another girl joined our friend group.

Since they studied/worked in the same field, they started spending more time together. Eventually, she admitted to me that she had feelings for him. He kept insisting she was “just a colleague,” but they texted constantly, stayed up talking late at night, and she sent him long emotional messages.

I told him it made me uncomfortable, but he brushed it off.

That’s when I started noticing more red flags.

At one point, he even joked about making a “competition” between me and her because he “didn’t want to hurt either of us.” Meanwhile, he openly talked to her around people while completely hiding me. He would leave me on seen for hours or days, yet always seemed available for her.

During finals week, I spent days helping him study and teaching him. Right after exams, I called him and realized he had suddenly locked his phone. Then two days later… he completely forgot my birthday.

When I got hurt, he told me I was overreacting and said birthdays were “small things.” That honestly crushed me because I had put so much thought and effort into making his birthday special.

Then one night during a university event, they spent the whole evening together “for work.” Later, I found them alone together in the university garden after midnight. At first, he denied it. Then later he admitted it wasn’t even the first time they had been alone together late at night.

That broke something inside me.

One night, I finally told him: “It’s over.”

Honestly, I don’t even know what we officially were anymore by that point. But I know I felt betrayed, disrespected, hidden, and emotionally replaced. Maybe some people won’t call it cheating, but emotionally, it felt exactly like that to me.

I lost myself trying to love someone who constantly made me feel insecure and “too sensitive” for reacting to things that genuinely hurt me.

Now I’m trying to heal and slowly find myself again.

So my question is: how would you personally define emotional cheating or emotional betrayal in a relationship, and was leaving the right decision in this situation?

I really need honest opinions because part of me still feels guilty, even though I know how much this hurt me.

I loved someone from university. He was kind of religious (or at least that’s how I saw him), so at first I kept a respectful distance. One day I confessed my feelings and told him I loved him. He said he loved me too.

The thing is, our relationship never really felt public or secure. If I didn’t text first, he almost never texted me. He also didn’t want people to know about us because, according to him, it could hurt his “reputation.”

Still, I loved him deeply.

At the end of the school year, I made him a handmade gift and he seemed genuinely happy. During summer, even though we barely talked, I prepared a special birthday gift for him. He told me he cried from happiness and even said, “I love you, wallah.”

The next year, we got closer. Sometimes we studied together, and my feelings kept growing stronger. I knew I had flaws too — I get angry quickly sometimes — but I genuinely loved him with everything I had.

Then another girl joined our friend group.

They worked in the same field, so they started talking more and more. Eventually she admitted to me that she had feelings for him. At first, he kept saying she was “just a work colleague,” but they texted constantly, stayed up talking all night, and she sent him long emotional messages.

I told him it bothered me. He didn’t care.

That’s when his red flags started showing clearly.

One day he literally joked about making a “competition” between me and her because he “didn’t want to hurt either of us.” He openly talked to her around people, while he hid me completely. He left me on seen so many times, yet somehow always had time for her.

During finals week, I spent days helping him study and teaching him. Right after exams, I called him and found out he had locked his phone. Two days later was my birthday… and he forgot it completely.

When I got upset, he told me I was overreacting. He said birthdays are “small things” and acted like I was the problem even though I had put so much effort into his birthday and made him feel special.

Then at a university night event, they spent the entire evening together “for work.” Later, I found them alone together in the university garden after midnight. When I asked him about it, he first denied it, then later admitted it wasn’t the first time he had been alone with her at night.

That broke something inside me.

One random night, I told him: “It’s over.”

Honestly, I don’t even know what we officially were at that point. But I know I felt betrayed. Maybe some people won’t call it cheating, but emotionally it felt exactly like that to me.

I lost myself trying to love someone who made me feel hidden, replaceable, and crazy for reacting to obvious disrespect.

Now I’m healing slowly, and I genuinely hope one day I’ll find myself again after all of this.

So… was I wrong?

I genuinely wonder how we reached a point where so many people feel forced to choose between two extremes: blind religious fanaticism or complete rejection of religion altogether.

Why can’t we simply live as peaceful Muslims? Why does faith, which was supposed to bring inner peace, mercy, balance, and meaning, often become either a source of fear and pressure or something people feel the need to escape from entirely?

A lot of people didn’t leave religion because they hated God. They left because of hypocrisy, judgment, violence, emotional manipulation, and the way religion was sometimes used to control people instead of guiding them. And on the other side, many people became more extreme because they are terrified of losing identity, morality, or stability in a rapidly changing world.

Somewhere in the middle, normal believers disappeared.

People who pray without hating others. People who believe without acting superior. People who are religious without making life miserable. People who enjoy life, laugh, dream, love, and still have faith.

Islam was never supposed to feel like constant fear, nor was life supposed to become empty and meaningless. There has to be a middle ground between extremism and nihilism.

Maybe our generation isn’t suffering from “too much religion” or “too little religion.” Maybe we’re suffering from the loss of balance, wisdom, compassion, and sincerity.

I’ve been thinking about this from our reality here in Algeria, why does falling in love feel complicated instead of natural?

It’s not that people don’t want love. Honestly, most of us do. But there’s always something holding us back.

Part of it is how we grew up. Love isn’t always openly talked about. Relationships are often judged quickly, and there’s pressure from family, المجتمع, and expectations about “serious” intentions. So instead of just feeling things freely, people overthink everything: Is this right? Is this allowed? Where is this going?

At the same time, there’s fear. Fear of كلام الناس, fear of getting hurt, fear of investing in someone who might not stay. So people protect themselves by not going all in. They keep things unclear, undefined… safer.

And then comes this idea that being “taken” means restriction. Like once you’re in a relationship, you lose your freedom, your space, your independence, even your identity sometimes. Especially for girls, it can feel like more rules, more judgment, more pressure.

So what happens? People stay in “half-relationships.” Not single, not committed. Just enough connection to not feel alone, but not enough responsibility to feel exposed.

But deep down, most people still want something real. A stable, honest relationship. The problem is, we’re scared of everything that comes with it.

So is love actually difficult here, or are we just trying to protect ourselves too much?

Curious to hear your thoughts

I’ve been thinking about this from our reality here in Algeria, why does falling in love feel complicated instead of natural?

It’s not that people don’t want love. Honestly, most of us do. But there’s always something holding us back.

Part of it is how we grew up. Love isn’t always openly talked about. Relationships are often judged quickly, and there’s pressure from family, المجتمع, and expectations about “serious” intentions. So instead of just feeling things freely, people overthink everything: Is this right? Is this allowed? Where is this going?

At the same time, there’s fear. Fear of كلام الناس, fear of getting hurt, fear of investing in someone who might not stay. So people protect themselves by not going all in. They keep things unclear, undefined… safer.

And then comes this idea that being “taken” means restriction. Like once you’re in a relationship, you lose your freedom, your space, your independence, even your identity sometimes. Especially for girls, it can feel like more rules, more judgment, more pressure.

So what happens? People stay in “half-relationships.” Not single, not committed. Just enough connection to not feel alone, but not enough responsibility to feel exposed.

But deep down, most people still want something real. A stable, honest relationship. The problem is, we’re scared of everything that comes with it.

So is love actually difficult here, or are we just trying to protect ourselves too much?

Curious to hear your thoughts