Don’t know how long I can keep doing this
I’m a new grad, 8.5 months into working nights in a Cardiac PCU/Tele. Since winter we’ve been getting more transfers from other units and most of these patients will be full care with zero cardiac issues. We’re always short-staffed, and I’ll have to take 5 patients with 1 tech for the whole floor. I’ve noticed some of the nurses I work with gossiping and talking bad about others when they make the smallest mistake, so I don’t feel like I can ask for help anymore or they’ll think I’m stupid.
I’m constantly stressed and have this feeling of dread looming over me even on my days off. Even when I’m doing something I enjoy, I can’t be happy because I know I’ll be back at work eventually. Ive started crying at the simplest things when usually I’m a stoic person. Yesterday I was playing cooking mama and messed up on a level, and she said “It’s okay, I’ll help you. You can do this,” and I started bawling my eyes out. I’ve started listening to Mitski again. Everyday I have to work feels like the worst day of my life.
I wanted to tough it out long enough to transfer to the Cardiac ICU, and then eventually apply for CRNA school, but I don’t know if I can last that long at bedside. Outpatient jobs look more tempting every single day. Any tips or advice? Any other new grads feel like this right now?