Just had someone at work ask me if I was pregnant…I’m not. Did IVF 3 weeks ago and was in a lot of pain so probably looked big and was holding my stomach a bit more than usual. I almost cried when I was asked
Background context: I am 29 years old with no children of my own. I come from a very loving, tight-knit family. I am the higher income earner in our family. My partner is 40, has 2 teenage children from previous marriage. They have been separated for 3 years. Their relationship has always been unhealthy (emotional and financial abuse by her, constant fighting, disrespect etc). Custody arrangement is every second weekend and alternating weeks of school holidays with us. We are getting married next fall.
I am struggling with being a step parent. My partner‘s two teenage children are difficult to be around - have no manners, never take an interest in our lives, are rude and grubby. My partner has addressed the behaviour multiple times with them and the response is ‘I don’t care’. HCBM goes out of her way to start fights about nothing which of course makes my partner angry and then his children use the fights as reasons to not come to our place as ‘they are on mums side’. This of course makes my partner sad and frustrated, which then impacts his mood with me.
It’s hard to put into words, but I keep having this background feeling of frustration that most of my partners money was lost in the divorce to someone who is manipulative, and we have to rebuild and delay things for us due to accommodating child expenses. It frustrates me that my hard earnt money goes to paying rent on a big house that half of it is barely used, and no one appreciates. It frustrates me that I spend money on presents and nice things and don’t even get a thank you. I have to plan my weekends around other people (which often means my partner doesn’t come to things) because they are there. In the two years I’ve known them they have never asked me a question about myself, or said thank you. I planned the wedding on school holidays so they could come, but the response is ‘I don’t care’…which I know makes my partner upset and therefore impacts OUR day
I can feel myself starting to have resentment, and that is not fair on my partner or his children because I knew what it meant being in a relationship with someone who had children. They have just been raised very differently to how I was, and I feel I spend all my downtime being surrounded by conflict and lack of appreciation.
Hoping to get some strategies to help, I can’t seem to let it go. This is NOT a ‘bashing’ of my stepchildren, I am just finding this situation incredibly difficult.
I have two children (17yo F and 15yo M). When we split, both kids were at private schools so I paid 30k fees per year. My younger child is now at a public school after leaving halfway through year 9. Court order is no child support payments just covering school fees and then we share custody - I have them every second weekend and alternating weeks school holidays. Once my oldest finishes school, is there any chance of my ex attempting to go after me for child support for my younger child? My ex is incredibly high conflict and often uses the kids to guilt me/threatens to go to a lawyer. Would a judge actually enforce child support payments for 2-3 years? I love my kids and if I was allowed to spend more time with them, I would but my ex has stated multiple times I will ‘never been allowed more nights‘ and my youngest plays into that. My youngest has often said they will leave school after year 10, which i DO NOT agree with but have been told it’s ’not my place’. If he stopped school in year 10 would I still have to pay child support?