u/DegreeImportant8174

I’m honestly kinda nervous posting this, but I’ve been thinking about getting an outside opinion for a few months now.
We’ve been together since October 2024. The first couple months were actually good—fast replies, long conversations, everything felt normal.
Then things started getting weird.
The first time she disappeared was for almost 2 weeks. At that point I was already in Manila and we were supposed to meet, but that obviously didn’t happen. Around that same time, I noticed she hid her IG stories from me. The night I landed, I saw (through another account) that she was out at a club. When I asked her about everything, she said her sister had health problems and that’s why she couldn’t talk.
After that, her replies started getting slower and slower.
She would disappear for days at a time and always had some excuse:
no cell service
broken phone
no charger (this one happens a lot)
But at the same time, I’d see her in posts or even on her dad’s Facebook livestream… on her phone. I’ve called her out on this multiple times and she always tries to explain it away.
This has been a constant pattern the entire relationship. I used to give her the benefit of the doubt, but eventually I got fed up and started getting mad about it. She’d promise to change, but nothing really did.
I’ve been to Manila 4 times while we’ve been together… and I’ve only seen her once. That was right before I left. After that, she didn’t text me for 2 days and said she was “studying.”
The last time I went (Oct–Dec 2025), I extended my trip just to see her, and she still didn’t come. She said she was sick and couldn’t walk. I ended up leaving without seeing her again.
Financially, at first I didn’t send her money, and she even said she wouldn’t ask. But eventually I started sending small amounts (under 1000 pesos). Over time it added up, and now I’d estimate I’ve sent somewhere between $500–$1000 USD total, maybe more. She always has some reason—usually medical stuff like needing to go to the dentist for her braces every month.
Now the bigger red flags:
She refuses to add me on Facebook
She doesn’t want me talking to her family at all
I messaged her cousin once when she disappeared, and she got really defensive
It honestly feels like she’s hiding me
From what I know about Filipino culture, that seems off.
We’ve also never had sex. The one time she stayed over, she didn’t even bring clothes and didn’t want to cuddle—said she couldn’t breathe when I put my arm around her. There was basically zero connection.
When I asked about sex later, she said she’d feel comfortable after 3–5 dates… but we barely even see each other, so that doesn’t really go anywhere.
At this point, I feel like I’m wasting my time. I’m 27, she’s still in college, and I’ve passed up other good women because I believed in this relationship early on.
I’m supposed to go back to Manila in about a week and a half, and she’s still acting the same. She disappears less than before, but it still happens.
Even my best friend’s fiancée (who is Filipina) thinks she’s playing me.
Part of me wants to give her one last chance to show she actually cares. The other part of me just wants to end it and move on.
Am I overthinking this, or are these obvious red flags?
Be real with me. You can clown me if you want lol, just keep it respectful. My friend is always clowning me about this whole entire situation lol.