In the lowest point of my life
I'm 29 years old, unemployed and still figuring out life. My dad's an officer, schizophrenic and bipolar and has smoking and alcohol issues. My mom's a bitter woman always screaming and shouting,can't blame her..it's the only way she could control my dad.My brother (27) is a pubg addict who spends most of the day playing and doom scrolling and can't even get out of bed.
I used to have friends who distanced themselves after knowing I'm not financially great and look down upon me.All my ex girlfriends got married.I tried doing a private job but realised it's not for me. I keep giving competitive exams but it keeps disappointing me.Recently designed an agentic orchestration system that runs the entire chain of software production but I don't know where to take it.
I don't have anyone to talk to nor anyone who understands my work. All I could ever think of is to sleep to never wake up again. I don't have an ounce of motivation left in me but I can't leave because I'll be haunting my family for the rest of their lives. But I can't keep living this way. I can't walk down the streets because I feel people frown at me and everyone hates me..which may or may not be true.
I'm tired of living in the cycles of self loathing and self destruction