Drug induced psychosis.
I’m a 26M with two baby boys. When I was 19 I had been chasing this girl for years since the beginning of high school. We were on and off constantly because of her end. I just patiently waited and tried to get her to like me again. I smoked weed through a bong for the first time at 16 only because she wanted to do it, but she never came and I just ended up doing it myself with a friend from school. I did panic at first he told me to calm down, so I sat down on the couch and just melted into it. It was fun we got the munchies laughed a lot at simple stuff ect. Fast forward to when I was 19 I’m living with her and having relations with her while she has a boyfriend. Me, her, her brother, her cousin, and her boyfriend one night we agree to get weed he offers his dealer it’s half off so I’m thinking hell yeah that’s a good deal I want to show her I can hang and have a good time smoking weed like that one time in high school. We get it we’re at her house I’m outside chilling her boyfriend is in the car rolling all the blunts for everyone we all get our own blunts we all got a gram each. I didn’t know how to roll it so that’s why he did. He was like 17 or 16 at the time I didn’t expect any foul play, but this boy laced my joint good idk what he put in it but I went full blown psychosis for about 4-5 hours. Anyway we all started walking down the street with our blunts smoking them. I smoked mine so fast idk why I was trying to be cool. It was gone by the time I got to the end of the road. At first I felt amazing so good my whole body started going crazy with euphoria. The sky started spinning so fast and hard. We were at a cemetery at this point, and I was like “THEY’RE IN THE GRAAAAVES” just yelling random stuff and that when someone said “the cops are here” and idk I guess it sent me into a spiral. I started hallucinating bad at this point. My last conscious thought was “is this what happens when you OD and die?” Then the psychosis took over. I seen the same conversation of people looping all around me outside. I tried going up to them but nothing I was just stuck in this loop. There was 4 groups of the same conversation circling me. Then thy said I took off running as fast as an Olympic athlete, but in reality I took off thinking that my whole life slowly concluded to her old road and I never existed I was just some guy stuck on her road forever passing the same house indefinitely almost remembering who I am and then forgetting over and over because god was punishing me for being an evil person. I almost got hit by a car it honked at me and that’s what made me snap back to reality and I realized oh okay I’m on this road now I gotta get back to her house. I was seeing all kinds of stars and shapes and colors like crazy I was freaking out so I booked it and ran to her house, but I just started hallucinating again. At one point my life was going in reverse. I couldn’t even see in front of my face I didn’t know what year it was or what my name was. I believed and seen white waves around me that formed a box and a priest was telling me to scream god is real to get out of it so I did. At the top of my lungs I screamed it over and over. I didn’t find out units the high wore off, but I pinned her mom to the wall screaming it in her face. I asked them why my throat hurt so bad apparently her boyfriend and brother choked me out so bad I couldn’t eat for 2 weeks. They pinned me down my heartbeat was going so fast they thought I was going to die. At one point they all pinned me down and rubbed cayenne pepper in my eyes I could see them for just a second they asked me what year it was I couldn’t tell them. They asked me what my name was I couldn’t tell them. I believed I invented my phone too. That night was the most horrific night of my life and there hasn’t gone a day I don’t think about it. The tv show on Netflix the haunting of hill house triggered me I didn’t realize I had PTSD from it but one of the hallucinations I seen that night was a death loop very hard to explain but it felt how it sounds I kinda warped into the wall into a death loop. But I relived this hallucination while watching the tv show with my dad specifically the scene where the lady floating above her while she’s laying in bed the dead lady was actually herself! That plot twist reminded me of the trip and I relived the death loop. This was a few months after the drug induced psychosis, and ever since I think about it everyday so it never catches me off guard again. It’s actively destroying my life right now. I have successfully held a job at bmw the last 6 years I have two kids a 3 year old and a 2 year old. I bought a house last year, and I’m on the verge of losing everything because I can’t pull my mind together, so I decided to tell my story and get it out there and off my chest. I am seeing a therapist about it. She believes I need to be medicated with antipsychotics because they think I have “schizo affective disorder” since my mom has it and other people on her side of the family have it as well. Everyone is telling me I’m normal and that I’m acting fine that they are just trying to get money from me and my Insurance. Is there anyone out there that can relate? I feel like I’m the only person that’s gone through these horrible hallucinations.