u/DriveInteresting7296

Im a high school student thats currently in junior year. I've honestly have never been more exhausted, mentally depleted, and ready to just be done with everything than I am now. Im not diagnosed with depression, although I am quite positive by now that i struggle with it due to various red flags and behaviors that inhibit me from feeling joy in life. Not to mention, the horrible anxiety that I have been feeling all year due to the amount of tests and expectations i have to upkeep.

The world just has become such a hopeless place. I do not know what I want to be, I am in a dysfunctional household, and I see kids that are my age doing so well who are just outstanding.

I know that comparison is the thief of joy, but looking around and seeing people my age knowing their path in life and living the "teenage dream" while I am struggling to get through a single day with a constant negative inner voice is so tiring.

On top of everything, I want to pursue univeristy, so I am trying so hard to maintain good grades.... but they have been slipping more and more and I can not bring myself to feel motivated, excited, or passionate about anything anymore.

I dont know what to do. I wish I could just figure everything out. At the very least, I wish this constant stream of negative thoughts would end.

It doesn't even count as a crush. I literally liked him when I was ten years old. However, he goes to the same it as me so I see him very often and I had like him up until around grade 8... but he is veryyyy well known and liked and I am the complete opposite. Idek how i began liking him but we just got along better when we were younger?

Anyway, no matter how much I try not to think abt him it just like lingers? I know for sure i dont even like him anymore because that would be crazy considering I havent talked to him AT ALL for like 3 years... but idk im stuck for some reason.

He hangs out in a big friend group and I always see the girls hes friends with and they are all genuinley so perfect it makes me feel so ill. Like sick to my stomach. Especially this one girl who is just so beautiful, athletic , supppppeerrrr smart and nice. Also doesn't help that everyone thinks he likes her.

I just don't know how to stop comparing myself, but everytime i see them and especially her.... I just start feeling so insecure and its been getting really bad. Ive always had pretty low self esteem, and im aware that im not "pretty". I just wish i could stop thinking about everything.

Tldr: childhood crushes girl friends / new crush(?) seem so amazing i feel unworthy to even be called a human being and i dont know how to stop comparing myself.

Ps. This is just a new comparison ive been doing ive always struggled with comparing myself and would like to know ways to stop in general.