u/Due-Pianist-4981

I've been with my partner for about a year. The first two weeks were incredible — butterflies, couldn't sleep, felt like I'd never experienced anything like it. Then something switched off completely and I've been stuck for 8 months.

Here's what I experience daily:

I monitor everything I feel constantly. If I notice I'm not thinking about her — I feel bad. If she texts and I feel nothing — I feel bad. If I see her physical "flaws" — I want to run. If she suggests plans for the weekend — I immediately feel a weight in my stomach. Every morning I wake up and the thoughts climb on me before I even open my eyes fully. It's the first thing there, every single day.

The worst part is I can't tell if this is rOCD or just the truth. I feel flat, detached, sometimes like she's a stranger. And yet I can't leave either — the thought of hurting her or being alone terrifies me.

But here's what confuses me — there have been good moments. New Year's together with friends, trips to the lake, times at IKEA where we just lost ourselves. Sometimes when I hold her close and kiss her gently, something small and warm is there. These moments exist. But they get completely buried by everything else.

I also compare her constantly to my ex of 6 years. Those memories still hurt. Does that mean I never moved on? Or is this just what rOCD does?

I started with the most intense feelings I've ever had. How do I go from butterflies to this? Does any of this sound familiar? Is this rOCD?

Non so bene come spiegarlo, ma il mio più grande problema credo sia che monitoro quello che sento e faccio esempi per capire se succede solo a me:

- sto facendo qualcosa e mi accorgo che non penso alla mia partner - sto male

- mi arriva un messaggio dalla partner e mi accorgo che non provo nulla - sto male

- penso al mia partner e non provo quello che dovrei - sto male

- sto con lei e vedo i suoi difetti fisici - voglia di interrompere

- pensiero di un weekend insieme - peso allo stomaco

- spesso dopo queste cose leggo i libri su rOCD per capire se è normale - sto un pelo meglio

- non provo attrazione sessuale - sto male

- come parla, alcune volte troppo impostata, quasi attoriale - sto male, mi arrabbio, la provoco per sbugiardarla - litighiamo

Ci conosciamo da un anno e le prime due settimane ero esattamente l'opposto e questo esatto pensiero mi fa pensare che magari poi l'ho conosciuta meglio o ho capito che non siamo fatti per stare insieme.