I don't know what to do anymore, is this even still OCD?
Hi, I (F) have diagnosed OCD, and have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years. I have done the standard OCD compulsions, excessive googling, and a lot of confessing to my girlfriend. I am scared it's no longer OCD.
I feel like I really just no longer love my girlfriend, I sometimes feel disgusted, or extremely annoyed by her. She'll say or do something that just almost repulses me, I think this is known as the ick, and each time it feels almost as though I'm being stabbed.
I used to really want a life with her, but now I have so much anxiety at the thought of staying with her, and I keep thinking of other imaginary women that I think I would love more, or be happier with. Even when I do feel love towards my girlfriend, a lot of the time I'm scared I just don't love her enough, and I often get the ick when she acts loving towards me. Almost as if I like her but I sometimes don't like that she likes me, I'm not sure. I'm also too scared to make any friends because I'm scared I'll fall in love with them and like them more than my girlfriend, so I feel like I have to choose between living my life with her but having no friends, or without her.
Something that I feel is important to mention, is that this got really bad not long after we confessed sexual preferences/kinks to each other, and even though I enjoy them at the time, engaging in hers or her engaging in mine makes me feel like I don't love her, and I feel disgusted sometimes.
Not sure if that last part was really relevant, but thank you for reading. I'm just not sure what to do anymore, does anyone understand?