Am I being unreasonable?
Hi everyone.
At my core, I am a people pleaser.. I hate bringing up things that bother me but I would like to improve in this area, especially when it comes to my significant other.
I(F, early 30’s) am a gamer myself, I grew up with games (a 2-4 games <400 hours).
My husband (mid 30’s) is very much a gamer (multiple games with over 600+ hours, a few thousand hour games too)… so I am not shaming the hobby. I want to preface this so that this sub doesn’t think I’m a nagging lady with no other hobbies and controlling.
I’ve recently brought up (including this evening) that sometimes I feel that our relationship is number 2 to video games. I’ve brought this up before and was hit with the “well this is how I’ve always been so why didn’t you say anything before?” This was really hard to respond to in the moment because there are multiple reasons (including being a people pleaser) I couldn’t just bring this up before without being petty and bringing up specific circumstances that made this particular subject hard to talk about. I rarely get taken on dates, we don’t have an official anniversary, I go on trips alone, tonight I let him know dinner was ready, but ended up eating alone because he was in a game….
Where I’m questioning being unreasonable is that yes it’s a hobby, and I’m glad there’s a place he’s able to escape from, but I sometimes feel that it’s avoidant and childish. I have never asked him to stop playing but consider that I’m a lady, we have a relationship, and I would like to feel prioritized. This is where the people pleasing comes into play and I think it’s better to not rock the boat and just let him enjoy his hobby…
How can I be supportive? Is this something that can change or am I being crazy?