OCD made me acquire gender dysphoria
I often see a common sentiment in the mtf trans community that you should transition very quickly, as to avoid further masculinisation. The whole idea being that if you don’t transition now you will never pass or be able to transition in the future. Whilst for them that may be true, for me it really played off my OCD. I felt that if I didn’t transition now I may regret it in the future.
The other issue I faced was seeing me as a man as an inherent evil. It was as if me aging as a man somehow made me a predator or a criminal. I think this was exacerbated due to some online discourse from some radical feminist groups. The idea that all men are bad etc.
The combination of these two issues seemed to make me con myself into feeling gender dysphoria. That isnt to say it doesn’t exist for some people, but for me I almost forced it and identified with it to the extent that I began to feel like I felt it.
Upon reflection, I never really had dysphoria growing up and liked many aspects of being a man. I am not blaming the trans community or anything, more so my OCD.
The whole rhetoric that dysphoria can’t be overcome made me believe I had to transition and that I had to take hormones (DIY). It made me fear future regret from masculinisation rather than fear actually masculinising.
I believe now that my brain is so elastic that I could probably just make myself like my male features by framing them in a positive way.
Has anyone else had this and recovered? I’d like to just be a man now but it’s a struggle as I still don’t entirely know the truth. How do I get over the fear that I may regret not transitioning.