Afraid to announce second pregnancy after first announcement was full of insensitive comments
Content warning: miscarriage
The history of my husband's family could fill up 100 posts on its own, but I'll try to keep it brief and just say they're extremely toxic. MIL and SIL are no-contact with each other and I try to support my husband who desires to have a relationship with both of them.
We recently became pregnant after 1.5 years of marriage and we were over the moon, but the reactions we received from his family really hurt me.
We'll start with MIL. She's married to a man we don't care for (he gives creepy vibes and makes rude comments often). She got married to this man while my husband was away on his bachelor party and didn't tell us until after the fact. She then threw a fit about including him in our wedding only a few months later and when we said no this strained our relationship. When calling to tell her about the pregnancy, we intended to only tell MIL. Before reacting she got him on the phone with us and made us tell him too, then just said "I don't want to be a grandma can the baby just call me by my first name?" and her husband asked if my mom was going to be involved (WTF kind of question even is that?).
When we told SIL, she was happy and congratulated us, then said "with our family history that baby is going to have something wrong with it". I believe she was insinuating that the baby would be autistic because my husband has high-functioning autism (Asperger's). I realize there is a genetic component to autism and we are prepared for that possibility, but who says something like that about a baby that hasn't even developed a brain yet?
We unfortunately lost that pregnancy shortly after sharing that news. My husband shared the news of the loss with them so I don't know how they reacted to that. Now, I am pregnant again and while we are so excited, I am dreading sharing the news again. I am especially fragile because the loss was only 2 months ago and we got pregnant again relatively quickly, so I'm still processing things myself. My husband has been supportive throughout this and since I've spoken to him he said he will speak up the next time he hears any inappropriate comments.
I'm open to advice and curious if anyone has dealt with a similar situation.