I’m 27 and my girlfriend is 28. We were in a long-distance relationship for 3 years while we were both finishing our degrees. From the start, we agreed on strong boundaries — to be loyal and always honest with each other.
After that, I made the decision to move to her country so we could be together. We’ve now been living together for almost 3 years.
The problems started when I met her family.
Her biological father is no longer in her life, and her stepfather has taken his place — but he’s extremely toxic. Her mother is also toxic, and together they’re a very difficult combination.
When I first moved, they offered for us to stay in their house until we found our own place. We agreed and stayed for about 4 months. Those 4 months were honestly hell.
My girlfriend is a kind, good-hearted person, but her stepfather is aggressive, controlling, and has serious anger issues. He shouts a lot and always wants to dominate. Her mother is moody, controlling, and very strict in a toxic way. She also seems to have separation anxiety and tries to control my girlfriend’s life.
We had many arguments with them, and the last day before we moved out turned into a massive fight.
Now we live independently, and things are a bit better. But her family is large (about 8 people), and they often invite us to birthdays and family meals. Every time we go, the atmosphere is uncomfortable and tense.
Her mother also calls her and says threatening or manipulative things. For example, recently she told her not to rent and to take a loan to buy a house, or “she will deal with me.” She’s also said that if I don’t marry her soon, she’ll cause problems for me.
I love my girlfriend and I do want to marry her and build a family with her. I truly see a future with her. But this situation is taking a serious toll on me.
Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed. Sometimes I go out to the balcony at night and cry because I’m scared of losing her — but I also don’t know if I can live like this long-term.
We’ve talked about this many times and tried to find solutions. We’ve given her parents many chances, but I’ve come to believe they won’t change.
I told my girlfriend that I think she should cut them off completely, but she says she can’t because of her siblings and her grandmother, who she doesn’t want to hurt.
I understand that, but at the same time, I feel like I’m reaching my limit mentally and emotionally. I just want a peaceful life.
Has anyone been through something similar? What would you do in my position?