He said we need to slow down…
Long story short…sorta, this man and I have been friends for a year and a half. The first time we made eye contact was literally like the movies! Instant connection, like, as he put it, looking into each other’s souls. Of course the physical attraction is/was just as intense. We flirted a lot, messaged a lot but never crossed the line into physical because we were both married at the time. Fast forward to a couple months ago and we finally did it. He’s still married, I’m not (save me the “you’re a home wrecker backlash, I’m aware of the moral issues). It was incredible! A month and a half or two passed and nothing then we finally did it again. Also incredible! Later in the evening after I got home we were messaging and I said something about it being too good and wanting him more but I know I can’t have him. That’s when he said we need to slow down. I was like we’ve fucked twice in almost 3 months but okay. To which he replied you know what I mean. I didn’t so I asked and he said “I’m not always going to be available, you know my situation”. I assured him I understood and did not expect that to change. I told him all I meant by the wanting him more message was that I could do that every day and still want him more to which he said “oh I know”.
So here’s my question, I didn’t expect such a simple message to throw me for such a loop but it has. It’s made me realize that I have feelings for him beyond pure lust. The thought of not having him in my life really sucks. By no means am I in love with him but we are friends and I care about him and want him in my life. Even if it means no sex.
Anyway what I’m wondering is, was that comment because he felt guilty? Was it because he is developing feelings he can no longer compartmentalize? Or he just realized he has feelings more than just lust? When we had sex last time it was definitely more intimate and not just fucking. Is he just setting boundaries? He didn’t say “we can’t do that again” or “that was a mistake”. Just “slow down” but we’ve moved at a snail pace already. We’ve connected on levels deeper than just small talk.
So any input is appreciated. I realize no one really knows what he’s thinking, just thought I’d get some opinions.