Me (M26) and my gf (F24) have been together a little over 4 years. We met in college and started dating a few months after meeting. She never had a sense of urgency when we had to do thing. Ex. she was late to our first date by 30-40 min and didnt take accountability/blamed it on external factors. I overlooked this and we continued to talk and i eventually asked her to be my gf.
Over those 4 years, she broke almost every boundary i put up such as:
- i just started a job and had meetings/tasks where she would come and distract in between them and would claim i wouldnt devote attention to her during work hours. She overstimulated me 2-3 min before my meeting, jumping around the room where i worked and wouldnt let me prep with proper time. She didnt have a job at the time and we lived together
-she would take my phone and prank text friends and colleagues from my number and say weird things that would make them either uncomfortable or question whether i was on drugs. I expressed to her that this bothered me and wasnt okay and she would jokingly push the issue to the side. I would be in the shower and she would take my phone and text random friends off of my phone saying odd things and i had to call them and tell them that wasnt me on the phone. She would get upset and embarrassed and get upset at me for calling her out.
- i had pimples on my back which she would obsessively pop and it caused me so much pain. I would ask her to stop and she would continue with force, and when i got up in the middle to prevent her from continueing, she would start a fight or guilt me. She wouldnt let me stay strong on my boundaries and would always claim i was "being mean" to her when alli was doing was standing up for myself
- She would always deflect on serious topics and never take my issues seriously. It alwyas felt like my words held no meaning.
- after about 2 years of that, we moved in together and within those next 2 years of living together, my resentment for her grew after every boundary was crossed again. We ended up late at every event/trip. had so many fights over the fact that i was mentally checking out. I didnt feel any respect from her side and it caused me to slowly check out of the relationship.
- people around us noticed what was happening and that i was clearly unhappy and frustrated.
- she grew close to my friend group and magically overtime she started to have a problem with all of them when all they did was help with her job search, welcome her into their homes, cared for her, and just overall wished the best for her and us. she would make any excuse that they were "mean" to her when they didnt wanna eat where she wanted, or do an activity that wasnt in her favor.
- We had a phase where she wanted me to go to the gym with her, i didnt becasue i was just unmotivated myself. The problem also was that she would ask in the middle of the work day, sometimes after but when i was down to go, she would be scrolling on her phone and didnt want to go anymore. We fought many times about this and she ended up breaking up with me for a few days.
- we got back together and were working things out and i was going to move states a month after that. Within that month we tried to work things out and i wanted to start on my fitness journey and signed up for a half marathon. She then started having problems with it and got very aggressive in our fights. Saying i dont care about her and how i would do anything for myself but not with her.
there are alot more issues but ill leave this here. what do you recommend i do? there's still so much love there man i'm just not sure what to do - thought she'd be my person forever, have never clicked with someone so well off the jump, our personalities are so similar, really have been on the same wavelength from the beginning. Never thought we'd end up here, hate that the person who i love most in the world is also the person causing me all this pain.
pls give me some advice - am i overthinking it all? can this still work?