Newly Diagnosed with Limited to No Support
Hi y'all.
I'm having an incredibly hard time right now. Last year, I had a resurgence of memories of 10 years of CSA by a sibling that I didn't know I had, and with that resurgence came my DID diagnosis. I'm an extremely covert system and my parents relied on me not remembering to keep the peace.
I've been juggling it on my own because my partner doesn't easily understand invisible mental health issues (especially a rare one), and he's not the most emotionally intuitive, and he is pretty terrible at comforting others.
I cut out my family last September, and just recently cut out my own mother which has thrown my system in to a catastrophic loop. I've been having seizures, nightmares and more and more memories popping up. I even had my first overt switch, where a Little came forward, pushed my partner away and began crying for her "Momma."
To my memory, I have never lost control before. And I don't know what to do with all of these people in my head. And I don't know how to process the memories that come up. I do have a therapist but I'm jobless at the moment and can't afford to see her.
The biggest trigger for my system is the isolation and loneliness.
So without my mom (our system had to believe she was a beloved saint when we grow up, only to find out she's a covert narcissist who protected the sibling that harmed me), without my partner's understanding, I'm craving the deep love and comfort of a family member... and I feel horrifically bereft.
Idk if y'all can relate, but I feel untethered. I don't feel grounded. Emotional amnesia is in full swing. I can't keep my thoughts straight. Everyone has really strong feelings that are all screaming in my head. I'm terrified of when I'm going to lose control again.
And I feel so. fucking. alone.
Idk man. I just wanted to come on here and see if anyone could relate. If anyone had resources or things that helped them. I'm not okay, but I'm desperately trying to be.