My fiance drunkenly beat the shit out of me about a month ago, and I really resent him for it. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get over this. I’ve had to lie about my black eye and wounds to countless people, which makes me feel like shit. I took an almost 3 year break from dating after my last boyfriend passed away. I got a lot of therapy and worked on myself and was ready to date again, only to be disappointed yet again. Im exhausted, and tired of being hurt. I’ve been in an abusive relationship prior to this, but it was about 20 years ago. I’m continuing to make excuses in my mind for him (he’s bipolar, a veteran, he was drunk) and so on. He’s very remorseful. He beat me so badly that I am still recovering almost 5 weeks later and I’m pretty sure there was a hairline fracture in my arm, or still is. I had cuts all in my skull from nails and screws being dug into it. They have just now healed over into tangible gnarly scars. He drunkenly took my car that night and threatened to kill himself but later returned. He has felt bad ever since, and has been in a deep depression. Imagine how I feel? I’m scared of him and I don’t trust him anymore. I’ll probably end up leaving him once I’m home from work in a few weeks, but I’m just very disappointed that I will never seem to find love- or continue to attract the same type of partners even with tremendous efforts to have a better quality of life on my end . Thanks for letting me vent.
Long story short , around a month ago I was beaten very badly by my fiancée. We were both intoxicated after an outing.
I blacked out because of my medication. He did not black out but was very drunk (even going so far as to knowing the number of hits he dealt me 🤨). Apparently, after we arrived home, I wanted to have sex with him. He declined. I (according to him) was saying some extremely insulting and hurtful things about him and his family, which I had zero recollection of . He proceeded to push me into my vanity , shattering the shelving and pushing my skull into many nails and screws , and then proceeded to beat my face in. I ended up with several lacerations and one that is currently still healing (he said I didn’t need stitches) all around my skull. I had a very bad black eye, and was not able to move my jaw very well for several weeks on that side. My head was so swollen I was scared I was going to need to go to the hospital, and I’m still having tenderness on that side when sleeping or applying makeup almost a month later.
I don’t recall anything other than somehow coming to with him screaming over me and hitting me- and being in an incredible amount of pain. There was blood everywhere. He took my vehicle and drove it drunk , threatening to kill himself. He took my phone as well. The police were called by another neighbor but nothing was done about anything. He slept through the entire next day, ignored things, and I went to work everyday until I had to leave for a work trip the next week.
So , I’m normally a pretty forgiving person. I can understand when people make mistakes. But I’m between a rock and a hard place. I have been in abusive relationships before. This isn’t my first rodeo, but I am unfortunately in a position to where if I posted on Reddit this would completely out me while I’m on the road, and he is at home with all of my stuff , access to everything and my dog. I need a (safe) plan for when I return, some encouragement and an exit strategy.
Also, (tell me if I’m being dramatic?) I designed and commissioned our engagement rings (which he’s never paid a dime for ) and he decided to get a tattoo on his ring finger yesterday of a guitar company logo. I explained how this hurt my feelings as you’d normally show your love for your SO by getting an initial of theirs tattooed on you- and how I feel like he doesn’t care about me , and it ended with us hanging up on each other. I’m always made to feel psycho and less than nothing. It makes me feel insane. I feel like this is just going to get worse. I need help Reddit, and I’m very sad and scared and disappointed. I will say, that I’m in an incredibly high profile / public job that doesn’t make this any easier to deal with- I am constantly in the public eye and on the road and performing in front of people. What would you do?