Looking for similar experiences
Hi, this is my first post here, so I’m hoping I’m doing this right.
It’s been about a week since I’m in the worst spiral of my life (yet !). My OCD is really… odd. Despite my researches online, I can’t find anything or anyone sharing the same subtype.
I’m terrified about my boyfriend’s workload. We work together, which is really not helping, and I constantly am trigger by his tasks.
I have the sensation he works more than me and this idea is unbearable to me. I feel inferior, jealous and I’m worried about his mental health (ironic isn’t it ?). I think his work will lead to a burnout of some sort.
So, to seek reassurance, I look our agenda, our files, constantly checking if I have enough work to not feel behind. I analyse everything, every phone call. I can’t stand the idea of him working late, as I’m convinced something horrible will happen. I force myself to stay as late as him just to be sure it will be okay.
I distort reality, believing he has a hundred meetings and I have none, which is not true, but it does feel like it. I compare everything.
The only truth is his service was not having a lot of work between January and March. To correct the situation, all the incoming file since April was attributed to his service. Except now, it’s still the case, despite the workload has been equal ever since. And, obviously, all the files from April are now ready to be signed, so now my BF have a lot of meetings coming all at once and it’s only the 2nd of June. I have a panic attack just to think his workload will grow in the following days. I honestly don’t know how I will be able to bear this month.
I’m actually trying to fight my compulsions, the physical one at least, but I can’t manage my thoughts.
It’s been more than a week and I sleep really badly, as my thoughts wake me up and the anxiety keeps me awake.
I feel like I’m going crazy, I’m not gonna lie. I feel disconnected from my boyfriend, my work and I feel incredibly alone. I cry all the time. I’m exhausted.
So, I was wondering if someone has already experienced this type of thoughts ? And how they managed to get out of it ?
My therapist and I have already discussed this situation, and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this weekend, but I feel like the end of the week is so far away. It would really help me to get some advice, support or shared experiences.
Thank you so much for reading me.