I ghosted a girl who I have been talking online now she’s “stalking”(?) me and sending me gifts
Me (F25) and this girl, let’s just call her, Dani (F24) got to know each other on a dating app.
Heads-up, this is a long one….
A bit of a backstory; I’m someone whose trust issues are severe due to previous relationships that failed, but I’m working on myself and trying to heal. So i decided to, maybe, meet new people.
So in this dating app, I get to know Dani. The first time we talked, we hit it off so well after knowing a bunch of similarities we both have, like favorite food, drink, perfume, date ideas, etc. We have a lot of similarities. I get to talk about my mental health issues (anxiety), which is a big thing for me because I don’t often share this thing about myself towards anybody I’m not close with. And she’s so understanding about me and how I’m feeling. She also get to talk about her previous relationships that did not worked out and whatnot.
She introduced me to her friends and parents via call. We often talk on meeting in person and how much excited she is to meet me.
She’s so outspoken about her feelings towards me, she’s worried that what if I’m an avoidant, in which I assured her that I’m not because I sincerely understand how it feels at the receiving end (because I experienced this too with my previous partner. She’s also so open on how much she likes me, and I told her I like her too……. in which I thought to myself….
She’s perfect, everything’s perfect and she’s amazing!
Now, here’s where it went wrong: Everything’s been so perfect talking with her. HOWEVER, these feelings she’s making me feel brings me back to my ex-girlfriend from 3 years ago. I call her “my first love” in all honesty, even though our breakup hurt me so much, gave me pain that made me go to therapy. I cannot deny how much I truly loved her. With all my relationships after her, all feelings brings me back to her. I sincerely wanna move on from any traces of memories or feelings of her, but these 3 years, until now, I can never move on from my “first love”. I’m stuck in my past.
Having these feelings while talking to her, seems so unfair in her part after knowing how much Dani likes me. Even after having these realizations, on how I can only think and feel about my ex while she’s talking to me, I cannot pretend in front of Dani whether on call or texts. I don’t wanna give a pretend affection and attention towards someone who is genuine about their feelings.
So after these realizations, I stopped replying her texts or answering her calls, literally going no contact with her. But we still follow each other on instagram.
I know I am in the wrong here for not telling her about my feelings and just ghost her, but I’m planning too, in the same time I am not ready about the words I am going to say, to not hurt her.
So after ghosting her, she’s been stalking my socials, sending me messages of “good mornings/nights” “take care” and “i miss you” but I can only leave it on Delivered.
Now, my brother-in-law got home just yesterday and handed me a a box, but he did not tell whose this from. Just a quick background on my BIL, he works real-estate, so I think he has his info in his business socials.
Mind you, I have only talked to Dani about my family only at the basic parts, I have not told her about what jobs my family has.
So I open the box, with bunch of different things in it, like snacks and a crocheted flower. Seeing so many familiar things in there, which I have mentioned to Dani that are my favorite, is giving me the idea that it could be her, but also having some doubts that it’s not her…. UNTIL, I saw a letter tucked in the crocheted flower and with her name written on it.
I know I cannot just “ghost” or ignore her anymore. I know I should tell her about my feelings and end this, but I don’t know how to say it without hurting her. I know it’s inevitable, especially when the person you like don’t like you back.
How should I tell her? I sincerely appreciate any advise or criticism about my actions.
How should I approach this situation?