I'm just really sad, and that's an illness too
I feel like mental health isn't taken that seriously, but hear me out. I think that if your brain doesn't produce the necessary dopamine, serotonin, whatever the fuck it's supposed to produce, that should be considered an illness. Don't get me wrong, if your brain is a bit off and can mediated with medication, pop off king/queen/royalty!
That being said, I've lived a life. I promised teenage me that, if by the time I made it to 30 years of age, I had the help and assistance of a psychiatrist, and I didn't managed to find a medication/regimen that worked, I would concede. If I couldn't find a solution in life, I would allow myself the option of suicide. Medical assistance with suicide is legal where I am, and I'm wondering at what point I utilize it.
Y'all, I am 30 years old now. I, for the last 11 years, have been trying with professionals to manage my mental health, and I haven't been able to do that effectively. I have been struggling all of these years to try and be normal, and I'm not. Is it wrong for me to consider this a deadly illness that I can't mediate? At what point am I allowed to say, "I tried my best, but my best isn't enough, and that's okay"?
I feel so bad. I have an amazing fiance who loves me. He would do anything for me, and I love him so much. The amount of times I see people talking about their s/o on here and feel lucky that I have mine is unmatched. I've tried so hard to stick around for the people who love me, but I'm wondering when it's just too much. I don't want to leave him. He's the one thing I don't want to leave behind, but I'm so tired. My last therapy appointment with my psych, instead of asking me why I feel how I feel, she tried to immediately tell me why I shouldn't be feeling how I'm feeling. I know I shouldn't be feeling how I'm feeling. I know I should be grateful. Trust me that makes it worse, not better. I have no idea why I feel the way I feel. I don't know why I don't want to be here other than, I simply don't have the chemicals in my brain that allow it.
I think that should be enough.