Is this a problem ?
Okay, I don’t want to make this a super long post, but ever since I was very young like very young and now I’m 21, almost 22, I still don’t understand this and need some help.
I’m a guy, and I would say I’m straight. I could never kiss a guy or really do anything sexual, but about 11 years ago, before I even knew how to masturbate, I started having the urge to give a blowjob. I don’t even know how I knew what it was, but I understood the premise of it. I couldn’t tell you why or how this started. If anything, I literally just thought of it as a massage with my mouth.
As you can imagine, I’ve gone through many different phases or fetishes involving certain scenarios. I’ve always wanted someone who is dominant not in a bad way, but more like a teacher. I know that sounds stupid, or like a trainer, which sounds even worse. I’ve also always gone to extremes, like wanting to learn how to deepthroat or get face-fucked.
I’m not sure if it’s an ego thing or if I just like the idea of a more dominant person, but I’ve never even tried it. The worst part is that I have a friend I’ve talked to about this, and he has offered twice, but I backed out both times because of shame.
The thing is, I literally think about it probably every night. And not to sound even weirder, but I watch porn videos and don’t even masturbate. It’s almost like I’m watching TikTok. Sometimes I feel like it’s not even a sexual desire and that I’m just fascinated by it like being able to give the maximum amount of pleasure. Or honestly, I don’t even know.
It’s been years and years, and for some reason I can never get it out of my head. It doesn’t feel normal to watch videos and not even be sexually turned on. Nobody should just want to suck dick as a hobby or deepthroat for fun that makes no sense to me. And like I said, I don’t even like guys, so what’s wrong with me?
Sorry for making this so long. I probably could’ve written an insane amount because I’ve been dealing with this for years, but I tried to just get to the point.