Parents that always belittle you and your achievements
I made a post the other day about how I have very manipulative parents and some of you seem to relate so I'm sharing some more.
Few months ago I won a hackathon fair and square, and the first thing my dad says to me is, who did the presentation? It's all about presentation. But in reality, I was leading the project, conceptualizing the idea and doing most of coding which won us the prize.
The other day, I found a lamintaed paper to stick on my wall, which showed my income from 2023-2024. It totalled 6 figures, and money which when I look at now seems almost surreal. And you know what I felt? Nothing. No pride, no grievance, no wonder. Just blank. Cognitive dissonance. I felt like Theon Greyjoy turning into Reek, after Ramsey Bolton tortures and brainwashes the shit out of him.
When the business of mine started growing, it went from $1k/mo to $10k/mo in 10 months, and it was the first time I ever made that kind of money. But the entire time, I was overspending, like I was making profits without a doubt, but the money kept evaporating at the end of the month. The entire time, my father never acknowledged that I did well, and my mom would constantly say "where did the money go?" And I might be crazy for saying this, but I feel there was definitely a cause and effect thing going on there. Like "I'm just bad with my spendings" isn't enough to justify how after making $90k in reveneue in a year, and after that nothing was left. I feel it must have been psychological.
Towards the end, my mom would instill fear in me, to the point where I could not have peace of mind every single day, and was constantly worried it would all go away (and it did).
It's been things like that my entire life. No wonder I couldn't feel anything when I saw my greatest achievement in front of my eyes and felt NOTHING. I became conditioned to downplay my achievements by my parents the whole time.
And all I ever wanted was some acknowledgement from their part. But they wield it over me like some power they posses.
I'm learning to be better. Actively being aware of the dynamics, journaling daily, and being conscious of my seeking of "external validation".
And I'm trying to see the silver lining. By being exposed to such manipulation and psychological fineness in controlling other people, as shitty as it sounds, it will be useful in business or hierarchical environments. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and it's better to be armed with poison and claws rather then be a baby deer out there.