I love my partner SO much, but I’m exhausted carrying the emotional weight
Lately I’ve noticed myself emotionally checking out of my relationship a bit, and I think it’s because things have started to feel really uneven. (27,30F) (Together 4 years)
I feel like I’m the one carrying most of the mental load at home. Groceries, cooking, appointments, planning meals, remembering what needs to get done, all the invisible stuff. I don’t even mind doing chores, but it’s exhausting feeling like if I don’t think about it, it just doesn’t happen. And when I ask for help, it’s usually “yeah, later,” and then either nothing happens or I have to remind them again.
It’s not just the practical side either. I feel like I’m always the one trying to create connection. I’ll watch the shows they like, listen to their interests, ask questions about things they care about, plan time together etc. but I don’t really feel that same effort coming back.
That being said, it’s not like they never show they care. Sometimes they’ll do thoughtful little things for me, like bringing me snacks or offering to make me coffee and I know those things come from a genuine place. I think that’s part of why this is confusing for me, because I do know there’s love there. What also really gets me is that this person is genuinely my best friend and we have so much fun together.
A small thing that weirdly hit me hard: I recently showed them one of my all-time favourite movies, something I was genuinely excited to share and they started scrolling. I know that sounds minor, but it honestly made me feel kind of invisible.
The intimacy side has been hard too. I’m almost always the one initiating affection, cuddling, sex, etc and getting turned down over and over has started affecting my self-esteem more than I wanna admit.
The frustrating part is that I have brought this up a few times before, calmly and honestly. Usually things improve for a week or two, then slowly go back to the same pattern. I also keep trying to convince myself I’m overthinking it but these feelings keep coming back no matter how much I try to push them down.
I think part of why it’s hitting me so hard is because I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling responsible for everyone else and now I feel like I’m slipping back into that role again.
I’ve made a lot of compromises and big life changes for this relationship over the years and I’m starting to realise how emotionally lonely I actually feel in it.
Has anyone else gone through this? Can relationships actually recover from this kind of imbalance or does resentment usually just keep building?
TL;DR: I love my partner and I know they care about me in some ways, but I feel emotionally exhausted from carrying most of the mental load, initiating most affection/connection, and repeatedly bringing up the same issues with only temporary change. I’m starting to feel emotionally detached and lonely in the relationship and I’m wondering if this kind of imbalance is actually fixable long term.