[In Progress][9k][Dystopian Sci-Fi] The Spine / This is a story about the distance between the life you are given and the life you choose. About following instructions long enough to forget you ever had a choice. About a system that is not cruel exactly — just indifferent.
Hello. I am new to using Reddit, so apologies for any etiquette I miss.
This is my first attempt at writing a full novel after years of creative writing (roleplay). I've worked out the first 4 chapters into a state I like. I've had friends read them, but I am looking for fresh and unbiased opinions of my writing to see if it lands how I want, and see what areas I need to work on.
Here is a short description of the overall idea:
The Spine has stood over Purgatory for as long as anyone can remember. Nobody knows what's inside. The people inside don't know there's an outside.
Simon works in the Tactile department, contributing his expertise to a settlement he has never seen yet believes in completely. When his institution deems him 'inadequate' he goes into retirement, where a catastrophic malfunction sends him falling into the world beneath his feet. The colony is nothing like the letters he has read his whole life; it's cold, disgusting, and violent.
Below, an enforcer named Lev is struggling to justify his discipline after the worst order he's ever been given. A low-level operator named Stub is dead because of a story told at a bar. Now, Purgatory may never be the same in light of this revelation.
The story is first-person POV. The first 3 chapters shift in POV as noted below the chapter header. This is to highlight a contrast in perception of the world between 3 very different characters
I would like someone to read over my first 2 chapters and give me any feedback they might have. Emotional reactions, understanding of the world and its people, questions they have going forward, and most importantly, if they want to know what happens next.
Thank you again, and apologies if I'm missing any information.