The truth after 15 years but it feels like yesterday
Two months ago my wife and I were in an argument, something small, she brought up some old time before we were married when I had been distant, mostly from over work, and I threw back the time she had been talking behind my back with her guy friend from highschool. I saw it then in her eyes.
We broke up over this thing during our engagement. She swore they talked on the phone and one day passing in the road he followed her to my house while I was at work.
We have been married for 14 years, 2 kids, and this thing was already a stain. I haven't brought it up before except one other time likely 12+ years ago. My wife is a sweet woman, a pure soul to most who know her. We have been together since highschool 21 years. Our whole relationship she has claimed us as soulmates, kindred spirits, all that BS.
I pushed for truth hard that night. She finally admitted that they had sex in our house while I was working to provide for us. I threw up for 4 days straight, gut wrenched. She says alot of that time is blank for her due to taking pills, which I know is true, the pills part anyways. She said it was a bad experience and she remembers feeling disgusting and ashamed. Says she couldn't tell me then or after because it would destroy me. Well she was right about that.
Since that day, we have talked very directly and I have been much more harsh with my feelings. As far as I'm aware this was a one time thing besides the talking, and as far as I'm aware nothing like this has occurred since we were married. It still feels fresh and horrible, like she just did it. I think about it constantly and how stupid I was.
She has sat with me and been there through the hard talks and the emotional roller-coaster the past 8 weeks. She is much more affectionate and loving day to day. She says it was a weight on her and we didn't talk to each other openly enough until this. I don't know what to do or ultimately what I will do. She is very fearful of me leaving. I did pack my stuff the 2nd day but we talked until early morning and I eneded up staying.
We have built this life with smart beautiful children and a "perfect" marriage from those on the outside of this. I refuse to talk about it with my friends or family due to destroying her reputation. She told me to talk to someone close to me, but they are all close to her as well. I know many people have much worse experiences than this, but I think the nature of our relationship, what it was built on, has been destroyed, like it never was. I'm the one who was naive and believed in a fairy tale. I should know better than that. I have never cheated on her in any way shape or form. I have worked for her to be a stay at home mom and provided for our family. I feel like I don't know her anymore, my "soulmate", doesn't exist. I told her I wouldn't leave her right now but I am not on a timeline to get over this and she agrees, but I feel like I have to make a permanent decision soon.