My older cat is scared of my partner and I don’t know how to fix it
I have 2 cats. My older cat is almost 3 years old, and I adopted him around 8 months ago. When I first met him, he was extremely shy and scared. Surprisingly, he bonded with my younger cat almost immediately after coming home, but bonding with me took much longer. It honestly took around 6 months before he started really trusting me. Now he sleeps next to me sometimes, meows at me, follows me around, and even calls me when he wants me near the litter box lol. But he’s still naturally anxious and not super confident.
The issue is with my partner.
My partner is very extroverted and loud. He gets excited easily, calls the cats in a really high-pitched loud voice, picks my older cat up whenever he wants, and sometimes scares him while “playing.” I’ve told him multiple times to be gentler because even I can tell my cat gets overwhelmed, but he doesn’t really listen.
At first, during the first few months after adoption, my older cat seemed okay around him. Not super affectionate, but okay. Then after around 3 months, he started becoming more and more scared of my partner. Now whenever my partner is home, my older cat hides constantly, barely meows, avoids eating, and just looks anxious overall. The second I’m alone with him, he becomes completely different — vocal, affectionate, relaxed, eats normally, sits next to me, etc.
Meanwhile my younger cat has zero issues with my partner, probably because we adopted him at 5 months old so he grew up around us differently.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I want my older cat to feel safe around both of us, but I feel like my partner keeps unintentionally undoing the trust-building progress. Has anyone dealt with this before? Is there any way to improve the bond between them, or at least make my cat less fearful?