Confide in Reddit.
I know I can't confide in my girlfriend after numerous times trying to open up and explain how I feel. We have recently been going through a rough patch with me not being able to hold down a job. I quit my last job due to coworkers with drug related issues disrespecting my time and effort I put in every week. After losing that job, I've had a dry spell after my mom's car broke down and being located far away from any drivable location to work. Because of this everything has been put on my girlfriends' shoulders unfortunately; After taking care of me with no results for over a year, she broke up with me. (Rightfully so after so long with no job) She had given me an ultimatum before she broke up with me, once we moved to a new apartment (much closer to several job opportunities in walking distance), I'd have to get a job to help. (of course, I agreed) The ultimatum was a couple months in advance before our lease ended, I'd be able to walk to work from the new location, but after 2 days the ultimatum fell through, and she broke up with me regardless. I was under the impression I still had a chance to make everything right after the move and this destroyed my mental because I really thought I was going to marry this girl and have a child, so it was a real sky is falling moment. Somehow threw determination, will, and luck she took me back the same day, but a lot of the emotional damage was already done after feeling betrayed from the first ultimatum agreement. Found out she was talking negatively about me to her friend(s)/coworker(s), and she/they were telling her to throw my stuff outside making me homeless with no phone, and she/they were going to attack me in public if they ever saw me. Now I felt as if, wow you must have said some truly awful and horrendous things about me for someone to say something so ruthless, and cruel about someone you love to get that sort of reaction. If I had a friend would say such evil things about my significant other, I wouldn't personally be friends with them anymore considering this is my other half. I've also had problems with going to her family gatherings because of the guilt of not having a job and her family treating me bad in general. (Still haven't talked to her father in 3 years of dating her) I attempted to reconcile some of the animosity by inviting her mother out to lunch to just have good night and talk. (Me feeling bad for missing family events) She started the conversation with "So why am I here", like it was strange for me to invite her, also her finding it strange I didn't invite her husband who still hasn't spoken to me in 3 years. I don't know, I didn't think inviting your girlfriend and her mom out for lunch was that weird but "So why am I here" felt disrespectful... like I wanted something from her, and it wasn't just a casual lunch. I tried talking to my girlfriend tonight about how I feel about her friend, how her family treats me, how she talks about me behind closed doors, how the ultimatum was just a preparation to break up with me and not real. It just didn't lead to anything constructive... It turned into her talking over me, getting loud and defensive, any time I try and express how I feel or how I felt she deflects to how she feels, like I don't matter. Anytime she doesn't like where the conversation is leading, she switches the topic. She just can't find an ounce of empathy to understand my perspective, saying outlandish things to try and disprove how I feel. ("It's weird to invite my mom to lunch with me") (Why did your friend say they wanted to attack me in public if you didn't say anything that bad about me? ["I had to confide in someone"]) (Why won't your dad talk to me it's been 3 years "That's just the way he is" [he talks btw]) (Why do you come home late from work every day? "What can I not have friends!" [Late entire month no email, nothing]) (Why are you switching subjects and deflecting how I feel? "You could have just told me you wanted me to only listen I wouldn't have talked") Regardless, I feel like I've been awful boyfriend because of my money burden, but she's been not giving me any empathy and using that money problem as something to hold above my head anytime I feel like I need to talk about how I feel. My mom left me in high school to be a home wrecker and my dad did meth, so I didn't get a free handout car. Now that they are settled, they are trying to be there when I needed them 10 years ago. When I flew out my mom said she was giving me that car, after it broke down, she said I was ungrateful that I wouldn't.... keep driving the broken-down car that I couldn't afford to fix and took it back??? My life is just really one step away from homeless yes, I'm sad, yes, I'm anxious, yes, I want to confide in someone. Hopefully this upcoming interview goes well (I still don't have a vehicle and haven't moved, so it will be difficult), I've been applying every day to try and make everything work out, but I'm depressed and I'm afraid I'm too late. I know I'm at fault, I know I'm no angel, I know I deserved to be broken up with a long time ago, I know how hard she has to work to make all this happen, I know how I feel is being swept under the rug. I know I'm being ridiculed behind my back. I don't know how to deal with this. I have confided in you because I have no friends. Please be genuine in your responses and give me some insight on what I can do better for myself, and if my girlfriend is at fault or am I the only problem.