u/ElbowKitten

I (28F) need serious some serious advice.

I ended an unhealthy relationship of 5.5years in early February 2026. In that relationship, I thought I was infertile. He used to shame me for my inability to fall pregnant and I believed I was destined for a childless life. I had considered adoption or other choices for my late thirties or forties if I felt I was in a good financially position, had traveled with tefl and settled down somewhere. With a good partner who would be a good parent. Marriage and children have always been a maybe rather than something I'm actively seeking.

In late March 2026 I met a man "Jay" (28M). I told him from the start, I'm not ready for anything serious, I wasn't seeking out any dynamic at all, but he was a real gentleman and so emotionally sensitive and kind. He made me feel emotionally safe for the first time maybe ever. I did however warn him, I'm not looking to fall inlove. It feels too soon and I need to find myself again before I'm open to love.

From March till now, we have spent a lot of time together. Camping, hiking, fishing and singing at karaoke bars. I have however, always found him exceptionally unintelligent. I know its rude, but it's really hard for me to connect with most people, unless I can connect with them intellectually. I used to think I was a sapiosexaul due to this. Conceptual and philosophical conversations are my absolute favorite and when I ask him questions or begin one of these conversations, they end abruptly and with something more tangible. I get disappointed in these conversations.

Additionally, I am not physically attracted to this man. At all. Not even the smallest amount. And the more time I've spent with him, the less I am attracted to him.

I've been pulling away from him emotionally for a few weeks as I find him draining, extremely loud, annoying and not able to engage with me in a way I find rewarding. I'm on the autistic spectrum and being able to sit quietly with another and engage in meaningful ways when needed, feels good on my nervous system. But with him, I find it hard to start good conversations and mostly just reply to whatever extroverted thought enters into his head.

He's a mechanic. He likes hunting. Fishing. Guns. Car racing. Cowboy movies. I find these so boring sadly. I can't even pretend to enjoy listening to him anymore. I used to really try to be curious but it's not interesting to me.

Here is the sticky situation. I fell pregnant. I'm 5 weeks pregnant right now. I found out yesterday. I first had no response to the tests, I was just curiously surprised, then I got extremely excited and proud of my body for being able to do something that I was shamed for not being able to do for many years. For the first time in my whole adult life, I'm imagining a life with a child I gave birth to and I've never thought I would be deserving of that.

I called Jay and told him. He was extremely happy and said he's not going anywhere, this is a blessing of life. He is a softie, a good hearted man. He came to visit me last night and we chatted about all the possibilities. He's a hard working man. A strong provider for his current family unit (parents, siblings) and has been very supportive and helpful towards me.

But I can only withstand being around him in small bursts. And lately I get more annoyed by him. Frustrated with him. Teaching him how to play UNO was actually a challenge.

So while I am flooded by emotions of the idea I can have a child. I don't think I want to be bound by this man for my whole life.

Additionally, I am currently running a small company that is failing, while completing my first year of Bachelor's of Education in Foundation Phase teaching online. I want to start teaching TEFL online in the next few months as I'm starting to struggle financially. I live alone now with my 2 cats and I have no family to help me financially.

I was generally having an existential life crisis, but now with the pregnancy, I have no idea what is best.

I am considering aborting. But Jay is extremely upset by this. He worships the ground I walk on and doesn't understand why I don't think we're compatible even though I have discussed it openly with him many times. He wants to move in and take care of me and has said he has savings and big investments that will help me stay home next year with the baby. He said this pathway leads to the rest of our lives. Marriage. Settling down. Another child. I'm his first experience of a relationship.

If you're pro-choice, what would you do in this position? I've always been pro choice for other women and now that I'm in this position, it feels like a rational decision.

It feels like there are 2 very different trajectories of my life unraveling before me and both feel rewarding and difficult in different ways. I'm stuck in a limbo as the heartbreak of an abortion feels gut wrenching. But spending my life with someone I can't truly connect with and already find draining sounds like torture. But a family life with children is something I've always felt undeserving of. Like that would never happen to me. But here is the opportunity in front of me.

What would you do? Or what advice can you give me? Any nuggets of wisdom will be deeply appreciated.

Edit for comments: I'm not going to go full term and sign over the child to him. I'd rather abort. He doesn't want to co-parent. He wants to have a child and family.

I did not lead him on as I disclosed very early on that I did not want a long term relationship and made my intentions clear over a period of time, which he agreed to. And we engaged sexually under the impression I was infertile.

It's pretty obvious he deserves more than the attitude I have towards him. I know how I feel isn't a good set up for long term love, which has been communicated with him previously. Obviously pregnancy placed pressure on my decisions of continuing our dynamic or leaving him, which were already being evaluated prior.