Blessing and a curse
Sometimes I hate how deeply I feel things. Maybe some of you will understand.
I have a huge problem letting go. Once someone enters my heart, there's no going back. Even if they're no longer in my life, I'll still care about them from afar.
I'm also incredibly nostalgic. I spend more time living in old memories than creating new ones.
And because of that, I can't move on from someone I was never even officially with. We had an intense on-and-off connection for years, and I've genuinely never felt this way about anyone else. I've had long crushes before, but eventually I could rationalize things, accept the ending, and let my feelings fade.
This one? Not a chance.
I've tried everything. Nothing makes the feelings disappear. The funny thing is, he hurt me deeply. I was the one who cut him off completely and disappeared from his life. He crossed a line I couldn't ignore.
But for some reason, I still can't accept the ending. I can't accept that he wasn't my person, or that maybe he wasn't who I thought he was. I can't even bring myself to hate him, even though part of me thinks I should.
People always say, "Date someone else. You'll move on."
I've tried.
Most of the time, it just feels empty. Maybe I get a temporary distraction for a day, but then the thoughts come back even stronger than before. Being with someone else never fills the space I'm trying to escape from.
I've taken a step back from dating because I know I need to heal. But at the same time, it feels like everyone else moves on so easily while I stay stuck in the same place for months or even years.
Everyone keeps changing. Life keeps moving forward.
And somehow, I'm still holding on to old versions of people and moments that no longer exist.
I just wish I was lighthearted
Does all this makes sense ? Is someone else feeling the same ? Or am I just going crazy 😭
This was long as hell sorry for the rant .
TL;DR: Deep attachment and nostalgia - being stuck on someone I should be over by now