How to deal with estranged mom at my wedding?
I really need advice, I'm at a total loss on what do to.
This is years and years of extremely complicated familial backstory but to compress it basically I (29,F) am the eldest of 3 siblings, my mom is foreign/first gen American and my dad was American. He died when I was young, 5ish, and my mom was stuck here really barely knowing the culture/country and alone and young with 3 kids she was around my age when that happened.
Fast foward, I struggled a lot in my childhood/teen years with this and my mom started dating and moved in with an abusive man. He hurt my siblings and I, and her (verbally as far as I know, physically and verbally me and my siblings), and his children also. So much so, that his own kids emancipated from him legally. My mom and I had a horrible relationship because she was also young, traumatized from my dad's death and just needed support so she stayed with him despite how he treated us.
Even more fast forwarding, I forgave her, kinda, for that and we somewhat mended our relationship when I was about 19/20. I felt really sorry for her, I know I was NOT an easy child, I was very angry and chaotic and I know somewhere deep down she was trying her best to survive too. But then, she got another boyfriend. He treats her like absolute shit (in my opinion), has cheated on her/doesn't care about her family at all, uses everyone, steals, etc. She is now once again choosing him over me and my siblings, in the sense that she won't listen to our concerns at all and forces him on us/brings him around constantly. We got into a massive fight because I would not let them stay at my place for 2 weeks. That was in Feb, we haven't talked since. I have my wedding in September, in her native country - I don't know what to do.
My dilemma is, on one hand, I want so badly to have a good relationship with her - but time and time again I have to put my guard down, be the bigger person, etc and she just genuinely is so cold and doesn't seem to actually care about us having a deep mother/daughter relationship. She's even admitted she sees me more like a friend/acquaintance. But if I don't talk to her, and try again to mend it I really feel like this is it. I don't know if she'll come to my wedding, I don't know if we'll ever talk again if I'm not the one to reach out.
This is only my perspective, and I'm sure she has her own, but when we talk she just agrees with what I say and keeps doing it. She agrees this man is selfish, and sucks and doesn't put in any effort and cheats but in the same breath asks me to host him at my house for weeks/months when they come back to the States.
Full disclosure too, the last time we did speak, I did blow up on her. So I guess, I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to me. But I just have no idea what to do and I have no other parent to talk to or ask for advice. My siblings talk to her but also don't have deep/close relationships with her.