u/EnvironmentalRow3643

Hello, I am F18, and my mom is F53. My mom and I have a close relationship because she and I were basically together much more than my other siblings, and we also attend church a lot because that's basically what we've done for many years.

Recently, she invited me to one of her church visits with her friends. It was like a church meeting, and when I got there, I thought I was just going to assist with a few things. But I ended up being part of their little meeting because she forced me to, even though I had just come from a very tiring day and needed rest. I didn't complain because it was a service, I was serving God, and there was nothing I could lose from that.

While in the conversation, I got really uncomfortable with their topic because it talked about how the younger generation—my generation—is very weak in terms of emotional problems and difficulties. I became the target of their conversation, like the center of it, because prior to this event, I got really bullied, and it came to the point where I was very suicidal. My mom had talked about that to all her friends and people at church, so I became like their little rescue mission to get those suicidal thoughts out of me.

Back to the conversation: I got really uncomfortable because they started talking about how the younger generation is more prone to suicide and things that they claimed didn't exist back in their day. I was listening and listening out of respect, even though I didn't agree with them. They called the suicidal thoughts I had "the work of the devil."

As they were talking, I realized that the recent problems I had talked about with my mom—like difficulties with my tuition, difficulties with school, and difficulties with my emotional balance—were becoming the topic of discussion. She was sharing them in very much detail from what I had told her.

I got really uncomfortable because I only wanted to tell her those things because I felt comfortable with her. Now, people that I barely know are aware of them and know the full details that I told her. I felt so uncomfortable about it.

I still haven't said a word since that day because I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings. But it's been a recurring issue with her. Sometimes when I talk to her about my problems and things, she ignores them, but then she talks about them to her colleagues and friends.

What should I do?

Hello, I am F18, and my mom is F53. My mom and I have a close relationship because she and I were basically together much more than my other siblings, and we also attend church a lot because that's basically what we've done for many years.

Recently, she invited me to one of her church visits with her friends. It was like a church meeting, and when I got there, I thought I was just going to assist with a few things. But I ended up being part of their little meeting because she forced me to, even though I had just come from a very tiring day and needed rest. I didn't complain because it was a service, I was serving God, and there was nothing I could lose from that.

While in the conversation, I got really uncomfortable with their topic because it talked about how the younger generation—my generation—is very weak in terms of emotional problems and difficulties. I became the target of their conversation, like the center of it, because prior to this event, I got really bullied, and it came to the point where I was very suicidal. My mom had talked about that to all her friends and people at church, so I became like their little rescue mission to get those suicidal thoughts out of me.

Back to the conversation: I got really uncomfortable because they started talking about how the younger generation is more prone to suicide and things that they claimed didn't exist back in their day. I was listening and listening out of respect, even though I didn't agree with them. They called the suicidal thoughts I had "the work of the devil."

As they were talking, I realized that the recent problems I had talked about with my mom—like difficulties with my tuition, difficulties with school, and difficulties with my emotional balance—were becoming the topic of discussion. She was sharing them in very much detail from what I had told her.

I got really uncomfortable because I only wanted to tell her those things because I felt comfortable with her. Now, people that I barely know are aware of them and know the full details that I told her. I felt so uncomfortable about it.

I still haven't said a word since that day because I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings. But it's been a recurring issue with her. Sometimes when I talk to her about my problems and things, she ignores them, but then she talks about them to her colleagues and friends.

What should I do?

My mom(53) and I (f18) have always had a close relationship throughout my childhood. My dad left when I was born, so it was always just me and her growing up. Because of that, I trusted her opinions more than anyone else’s. If she complimented me, I felt beautiful. If she criticized me, those words stayed in my head for years.

One thing that has always been a pattern in our relationship is her controlling my appearance. Up until I was around 12, she was always the one dressing me and deciding what looked “good” on me. I never really had the freedom to express myself through fashion. But when I turned 13 during the pandemic, she became busier with work, and for the first time I could finally build my own style. I got really into alternative fashion and cosplay, and it genuinely made me happy because it felt like I was finally becoming my own person.

But during the pandemic, I also gained weight, and my mom became very critical of my body. She would constantly point out my weight and say I looked fat or that certain clothes didn’t suit me anymore. Eventually, those comments contributed to me developing anorexia at 13. I became obsessed with losing weight and only really started recovering when I was almost 17.

When I started gaining weight again during recovery, she became even more controlling about what I wore. I’ve always loved mini skirts, leg warmers, decorative tights, and feminine outfits, but she would say my legs were too big for those clothes and that they only looked good on skinny girls. Eventually, I started changing my style because I believed her comments.

Recently, after turning 18, I wore a beautiful light pink tube dress with a matching scarf. I genuinely felt confident and pretty that day, but my mom said I looked like a pig because the dress hugged my stomach too much. I even told her maybe it only looked like that because I had just eaten, but she still criticized me and refused to post any pictures from that day because she said I looked bad.

Another comment that hurt me badly was when she told me, “I wish you were the one who got sick instead of your sister so you’d lose all that unnecessary weight.” I stayed quiet because hearing that from my own mother broke my heart.

Recently, I also thinned out my naturally thick eyebrows because I personally felt prettier and more confident that way. My mom loves thick eyebrows and got furious when she saw them. She said I looked weird, ugly, disgusting, and that I ruined my face.

That’s when I finally snapped and told her, “It’s not your face. Mind your own business. I can do whatever I want with my face.”

Now I feel guilty because I love my mom and maybe she thought she was just giving her opinion. But after years of criticism about my body and appearance, I think I finally reached my breaking point.

So, am I the asshole?