Three Months, One Meeting, and a Visa Expiring Next Year… Thoughts?
As-salamu alaykum everyone,
I hope you’re all doing well. I would appreciate some sincere advice regarding my younger sister’s situation.
My sister is 29 years old, a registered nurse, and also runs her own business. Alhamdulillah, she prays her five daily prayers, dresses modestly, and wears hijab, although she does wear pants and turbans at times.
About three months ago, she started talking to a Somali brother. He was born and raised in Kenya, completed his bachelor’s degree in Turkey, and is currently in the United States as an international student completing his master’s degree. His visa is due to expire sometime next year.
They recently met in person for the first time after speaking online for several months. He travelled from another state to Minneapolis to see her. He has made it clear from the beginning that he wants marriage and has been encouraging her to involve the families.
One thing that surprised my sister was learning that he has only been in America for about nine months. She had previously assumed he had completed his studies there. He has also openly spoken about how much money his family spent to get him to America and mentioned that if they marry, he would need her support with the immigration process so he can remain in the country.
He also told her that he currently has around $20,000 saved and could borrow another $30,000 from his aunt to cover wedding expenses, housing, gold, and other marriage-related costs.
The part that is making my sister uncertain is their first meeting. According to her, the entire visit felt very awkward. Neither of them had much to say, conversation did not flow naturally, and there wasn’t much chemistry in person. He seems very serious and religious. He doesn’t listen to music, doesn’t watch movies, and generally has a very different personality from my sister, who is outgoing, social, and enjoys joking around.
After returning home, he asked if she was ready for the families to become involved and for the parents to speak. However, my sister asked him to slow down and give her more time because she is still trying to figure out how she truly feels.
Another thing he has mentioned is that he intends to financially support his family back home. He says he is the eldest of 20 siblings and feels a strong responsibility towards them.
My question is: does this sound like a genuine brother who is simply serious about marriage, or are there some concerns that my sister should pay closer attention to before moving forward? Is it normal to feel uncertain after only one meeting, especially when the in-person connection felt awkward?
Please be respectful. I’m genuinely looking for advice and different perspectives.