My boyfriend became a very hateful person towards me... and I lost my self respect.
I've been seeing this guy for the past 6 months, we started out as hiking partners and sidequest buddies and we developed a really good friendship that soon developed into a crush over time. We have been in a committed relationship since January. He was the sweetest boy at the begginning we took a road trip to California during the first two weeks of the relationship, and then to Canada during the fourth. We never fought or argued during the 13- 16 hour drives and I thought I finally found my special person. Things were going well and he's been apart of my support system since the beginning. We go hiking, climbed we've Mountains together, and had so many amazing experiences and I involved him in all of my hobbies. I taught him how to skateboard, brought him fishing, tried to teach him how to swim. Now all of these special hobbies that I shared with him feel so empty and I can no longer enjoy them. It feels ruined for me. Sometime in the past month he's become a very hateful and mean person. The image he built up of being a kind, caring and loving person was shattered the moment he started insulting me and calling me names. I don't like confrontations and have been working really hard the last couple years to better myself and control my emotions. I hate negativity and don't really find a point in creating conflicts. He on the other hand creates these intense emotional issues and then is surprised when I start crying and am hurt over his comments and insults. Just in the past two weeks I've been called a b*tch, a wh*re, easily manipulated, a ret*rd, a dumb ass b*tch. He said that he came to a realization that never loved me and it was just lust that drew him to me. These words came as such a surprise to me and I've been heart broken trying to figure out what went wrong. Hes told me he knows he's an asshole and he doesn't even feel guilty saying those things to me because that's how he feels. He thinks I'm annoying for getting upset at the name calling and he can't stand me and doesn't want to go on trips or do anything together because he knows he's going to get irritated and start disrespecting me. In my prior relationships I would leave at the first instance of disrespect or even the slightest hint that my partner didn't want to be in a relationship or wasn't ready but this one feels different. I lost my self respect. Ive tried to communicate and set boundaries and he constantly walks over them and continues the harmful words and comments. He's tried breaking things off but my self esteem is so low I keep begging him to stay and when he insults me I try to ask him what's wrong and tell him that I love him. I'm beginning to loose myself. I'm scared of losing someone that treats me like I'm worthless.