I just can't figure myself out
I (m22) have never been able to have sex with anyone. Around the time I was 17 and started having more intimate experiences, I just wouldn't get hard at first, and over the years I started dismissing sex whenever things began heading that way. Eventually I came to accept myself as demi or ace, though I was never sure if I just hadn't found the right person, or if I was actually allo and just had some kind of performance anxiety.
Last month I started seeing this girl (f21), and I really, really felt all the other attractions (romantic, sensual, etc.), and I started to think she might actually be the one, since at first she said she was ok with me being demi. But it all went downhill when she told me it was getting hard for her to wait for sex, since it was really important to her and she wouldn't be able to tell if she was in love yet if it didn't happen, and kept saying how much she wanted to do it with me (we also had some preliminaries over a few weekends which she seem to have liked).
The thing is, I'm able to get attracted to people, fantasize about a romance, I love kissing and touching, and I'm ok with doing stuff for whoever I'm with and seeing them enjoy. But when it comes to me, it never works, sometimes i feel like filling a role in which i'm supposed to be the dominant male, but i'm not shure that's really me. I started going to therapy with someone specialized in sexology after what happened to this last girl because I'm just tired of failed relationships.
Also, it works fine when I masturbate, and I'm also not bothered by imagining myself in a relationship without sex. I usually fantasize more about time well spent together, physical touch, and so on, but could that maybe because i've just never experienced sex and just don't know what i'm missing out?